From Chaos to Clarity: Empowering Mindset Shifts for Women

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. This is episode number 279. Sometimes stress really gets in our way. And because I have been working with lots of decluttering challenge participants currently, I have been directly exposed to lots of stress from the participants. And I thought, what a great reason to design an on the spot podcast episode that contains really important information. It contains the explanation of one, how come we get so stressed in the first place? And two, what do we do about it so that we can actually have clarity every single day so that we no longer have to be afraid of the tasks that are on our plate in our to do list. And I think we should get started with that conversation right now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:05]:
Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:29]:
and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:35]:
power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:48]:
Today's topic is essentially how to get clarity even though you've been feeling stressed. And I think that is a wonderful setup for the typical midlife woman. And I would say typical just because I have seen so many hundreds and thousands of women feeling like they want to get stuff done, they want to feel successful, they want tidy homes, they want to be managing their own energy really well. And yet they are feeling things like overwhelm, stress, shame, exhaustion, hopelessness. And that is why I'm putting together this episode's content today. The actual trigger for this episode has been the fact that I am in the midst of coaching a lot of people how to declutter. I run a five day challenge called re energize your home periodically. And we just started the new session today.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:02]:
And what happens, I think, at the start of every session is people are trying to get oriented not only to the challenge, but also to the idea of actually handling their clutter. And as you can imagine, both can be a little bit daunting. People are feeling like they don't know if they're registered correctly. They don't know what I'm going to ask of them. They don't know if they're going to have success inside the challenge. And that doubt causes this feeling of additional stress, which is of course not what I'm intending for anyone who participates in any program that I run or host. So if you yourself are thinking, oh, this kind of rings a bell, I am trying to get this done, this goal of mine finally checked off my to do list. But I keep running up against the same feelings, feelings of overwhelm, feelings of embarrassment, feeling like I'm sabotaging myself somehow.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:08]:
Then I would love for you to keep listening to what I'm about to tell you because I do think that that feeling of anticipatory anxiety or stress, it's normal because you've got work to do and your body's kind of gearing you up for something new, for something perhaps even difficult or challenging. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with you if you're feeling that kind of stress. Where that comes or becomes problematic is when that stress becomes this constant in your life. It doesn't just happen when you've got a new thing that you're about to face. It is more like a day to day companion. When you wake up feeling stressed, when you go to bed feeling like you haven't alleviated any of the stress. This is the situation that I would like to help you correct and minimize and maybe even do away with today.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:08]:
And I think it's quite possible. And that's the good news. So when you think about it, if we are hanging on to this feeling like I'm not good enough, we my time isn't enough, my energy isn't sufficient, I'm stuck in this overwhelm. It is no wonder that we have clutter. It is no wonder that we have overdue things. It is no wonder that we are kind of stressed out by the fact that our weekends are going to be busy. Because when are we going to be able to catch up in quotes on all these things? It feels like this speeding train of overwhelm. The more the days pass, the more overwhelmed we get.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:54]:
But we need to take our time back and we need to reduce the stress so that we can get clarity back. And I want to let you know that if you're listening to this episode, you've got clarity within you because you had the wherewithal to turn on this podcast to pick my particular show to listen to and to sit still long enough to listen to this point in the episode. That means you have the raw ability to see yourself through any problem. That is the premise that I would love for you to keep for Every day from this point forward, I want you to wake up every day saying to yourself, I have the wherewithal to handle anything that I'm put in charge of, anything that I want to handle, anything that I want to learn, anything that I need to accomplish. And when you start with that mindset, you're really going to be successful. You're going to be successful against stress because you've already set your mindset at the start of the day, at the start of any project, and you've decided, I'm going to opt for calm and stability and clarity over stress because stress is very disorienting. It makes you think, I've run out of time, I've run out of energy, I've run out of resources, I've run out of my ingenuity. And you know what? That can happen.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:38]:
We might one day run out of time, because sometimes time is like that. We do run out of time sometimes. But you are never going to run out of options, and you're never going to run out of the ability to get things done. So let's continue this conversation so I can prove my premise here. So let's say you have some clutter to manage, like all of my challenge participants do. When you are starting to say, okay, I'm finally going to face this clutter, what will probably immediately happen is you will say to yourself, but how is this possibly going to. How am I going to start? How am I going to finish? How am I going to succeed at this gigantic task? Because maybe you have decades of clutter in your basement from people that you may not even have known personally, but that you've inherited somebody else's stuff, and it's pure clutter to you. Perhaps you have downsized and you didn't get to declutter before you had to downsize.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:45]:
Perhaps you are working two jobs, raising a family, you've been ill. Other factors have taken up your time where you don't feel like you have the bandwidth to really do any bit of decluttering, let alone the entire basement. So what do you do in these situations? The first thing that I want to have you do, and I've already given you a clue about this in this episode, is I want you to clear any negativity out of your space. And that means the space in your heart and in your mind. When we are thinking negative thoughts, we are creating an extra weight in our day. And I mean, w e I g h t, we are weighting ourselves down. Instead of starting at the starting line, feeling like we're at zero, or we're at the baseline, or we're starting on solid ground. Instead of that, we are deciding that we are behind.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:53]:
We are not good enough. We must be pathetic because we have this problem in the first place. We must be dreading the task ahead of us, because who would want to declutter an entire basement? And all of those types of negative thoughts, feelings and beliefs will act as a weight to W E I g H T on your spirit. On your spirit of. Let's just get this handled. Let's move some clutter. Let's call some people to help us out. Let's figure out where to donate the trinkets and the doodads and the old clothing.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:34]:
That spirit is something that you possess, but that spirit, again, can get weighted down by what is cluttering your head, your brain, your. Your mindset. So that is the first job towards finding your clarity amidst stress. It's to make sure you are sorting through what is going on in your head. Are you being realistic? Are you seeing reality for what it is? Or are you generating a lot of terrifying stories and layering those stories on top of that basic reality? I will explain this further. Let's say you do have a basement filled with clutter. That we're going to say is the baseline fact. That's the reality.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:21]:
It's packed, it's filled, and it has clutter. But the story that you may be laying on top of that baseline reality is, I am horrified at myself that it has been three years and that clutter has not moved. So that may sound like reality, and maybe it is factual, but it's a story that you're horrible because you're actually not horrible. You are just you. You are someone who chose to do other things instead of declutter. You are someone who has been very busy, likely, and have decided to keep your sanity by not decluttering, so on and so forth. So we want to, at the start of any process, including decluttering, we want to clear out those negative stories that paint us, ourselves as shameful, irresponsible, disorganized, an embarrassment. Get rid of all those stories, because that's the real clutter and that is the real toxicity that you're dealing with.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:34]:
That is why decluttering feels so horrible to most people. It's not the actual items. The items might carry some stress, but it's the feelings of negativity and awfulness that the not doing the avoiding creates that is toxic to us. Who wants to feel like they're behind who wants to feel like they can't do what is staring them down right in your own home? Nobody, really, nobody wants to feel that way. That's why the clutter tends to win. That's why the clutter tends to build up over the years, because we feel like we can't touch it. We can't go near that space. We feel horribly when we get close to that space.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:22]:
But I want to let you know that clearing away the negativity within your heart and your mind and your spirit is the way through. It will show you that you actually do know where you want to put those clothes. You actually do know what you would use your basement for if it wasn't packed with clutter. You actually have genius level clarity when you allow yourself to see it. So decluttering isn't just about stuff. It's about getting rid of all the junk. And junk does not exist only in physical form. There's a lot of junk in our mental chatter, our emotional chatter, that clutter inside of us where we're just battling ourselves.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:08]:
When you stop battling yourself, that is when freedom starts to come in. You start to have great ideas. You start to feel like you have a little more enjoyment. You start to feel like your energy is rising. You start to feel whole again. W H O L E and you start to feel like, oh, I'm not heavy, I'm not weighted down with burdens. I just have stuff I need to do and that makes all the difference. So whether you're decluttering or completely tidy and have other things on your plate, it does not matter what I wish for you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:47]:
What I'm trying to guide you to see is, is that you have clarity within you now, even on this side of the problem or the challenge, even before you've started, you have clarity. Allow that clarity to emerge. Allow yourself to be powerful again. Allow yourself to feel like a success before you even start. Because that's what really matters. You're going for that feeling of success at the beginning. You might as well take that feeling of success, implant that in your heart and mind before you even begin, and then start. Because then you won't be starting from baseline.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:29]:
You will already be starting from a winning position. And that's a very smart way to be productive. It's a very smart way to get things done. And it's a very wonderful way to alleviate your soul from this heaviness that might have been following you around for a number of years. If it has let it go, it can dissipate in an instant. I promise you it can. It may take you a little bit longer than an instant. You might need to declutter a little bit before you really get the picture, but it will leave you when you release it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:07]:
So it's our responsibility to. To make sure we're regulating our mindset. We are monitoring, not in a restrictive and punishing way, we are monitoring our mindset to make sure it is wide open, as wide open as we can handle at any given moment. And many of us in the coaching field and elsewhere are trying to figure out how to open our minds even to a greater extent, to a point where we're. We're exciting ourselves because we don't even really know how good it can get. That's the mindset that I would love to share with you. Instead of thinking, oh, my God, how could this be any worse? I want you to translate and transfer that energy that you're using to think. Sink yourself into heaviness, into opening up yourself, into lightness, into opportunity, into expansion and into flow, where things really all are going in your favor.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:18]:
They're really all pointed towards your success. And you are right there playing the game right along with your good energy. You've decluttered, you've got your time back. You've cleared your mind of all the mucky, muck heavy thoughts that were so embarrassing. You couldn't even bear to tell your friend or family about those thoughts. We want to be done with that phase of our life, that phase of stress. We're now entering into a zone of clarity in our lives, and that zone is going to be amazing. Now, when you are making that shift from negativity to clarity, I want you to know that it is okay to make very small steps along the way.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:06]:
Do not overwhelm yourself and fall into that trap again of thinking, oh, now that I know the way, I'm going to declutter the entire house in a weekend that's kind of setting yourself up for failure and that's the old habit. And we're just going to kick that old habit away for good. We're going to say, you know what? This is new for me. You know what? I'm getting used to feeling awesome at the start. You know what? I'm going to declutter a little corner of the basement because that is more than enough for now. That is wonderful to start. I can't believe it's happening. I'm so excited.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:45]:
You're really just speaking to yourself as a coach would. Rooting you on saying all the good things, reminding you of how much progress you are making or are about to make. It's as easy as that. The only difficult thing that there is about it is slipping back into the old habits. The old habits will be knocking on your door and wanting to come back in. So just be alert to that. But now that I've said that to you, you can just chuckle when you feel like procrastinating again, or when you feel like ugh, it's of no use because we're saying this is our life to live. It's so of use to be present, to be clear, to be stress free, and to feel like you've got agency for anything that you find important in your day, in your months, and in your years.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:41]:
I hope this session, this episode, this content has been helpful to you. I no longer want you to be overwhelmed with stress. I would love for you, and I think you agree, I would love for you to feel much more like success is yours, like it's a daily enjoyment and that you could say goodbye to stress for good. Now, if you'd love a free download to help you work through your patterns and and get on the road to clarity for yourself, go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/clarityoverstress go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/clarityoverstress it'll be a wonderful worksheet and I hope you have a wonderful time working through whatever needs to be sorted. I I will see you next Thursday when the next episode of the Make Time for Success Podcast drops. Take care till then.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:44]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success Podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to. Make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also Visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mention on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Procrastination Coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to and let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show.

Dr. Christine Li [00:21:20]:
I'd love to hear all about how

Dr. Christine Li [00:21:22]:
you're making Time for Success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:21:24]:
Talk to you soon.