From Overwhelmed to Aligned: Stress-Free Strategies for Midlife Success

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:01]:
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. This is episode number 259. I have recently welcomed close to 40,000 new social media followers across Instagram and TikTok, and I am excited about that. I'm also a bit overwhelmed, but that gives me an opportunity to really explore topics in a new way and to really have conversations with people on social media. And I thought I would bring over some of what I've learned over on social media here into the podcast. We're going to talk about clutter, mental load, and why midlife feels so overwhelming in this episode. And hopefully this episode will end up being a giant clarity boost for you because the past couple of weeks have been a wild ride for me over on social media. Thank you so much for listening to this show, Make Time for Success, and those of you in the United States, I hope you're having a wonderful Thanksgiving Day too.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:11]:
Let's go listen to the episode together now.

Speaker B [00:01:19]:
Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:01]:
So I've promised you in the teaser to this episode that we're going to talk about a lot of different issues in this episode. And I'd like to start by talking about midlife mental clarity and flow, because I've recently become obsessed with this topic. So not only am I interested in talking about procrastination and clutter, I am now interested in all the stresses that midlife women and men face. There are so many responsibilities that we face in midlife. The care of aging parents, raising children, taking care of our homes, taking care of our health in different ways, making the different responsibilities big and small throughout every day. It can really feel like we've got a lot on our minds. A heavy mental load with no break. And it is no wonder that people can feel like they're suffering from brain fog, that they are feeling fatigued, that they're feeling frustrated or irritable or irritated in midlife.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:14]:
And I'd like to take a look at that with you because we do have stacked responsibilities in midlife, but we also have options. We have options to learn how to figure out how to use our energy in smarter ways so that we're not burning out, so that we're not burning the candle at both ends. And so we are connected with ourselves in a deeper way, that we are making decisions based on what we like, what we value, what we need, instead of giving out all of our energy to other people, to things we don't enjoy, to things that are in conflict with our values. And I think when we do that, when we understand how to regulate our nervous systems, when we know how to make decisions, when we know how to communicate clearly and all those skills come together, we end up feeling not only aligned within ourselves and with our environments, but we also feel the state of flow. And that, I believe, is something that we can all restore for ourselves. I do believe that the flow state is not something that just a few people have. I do believe that it is our natural, original state where things are flowing for where our energy is high, where we are excited and moving forward. That's all my understanding of what flow is and what it feels like.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:55]:
And my wish is that I can teach you a little bit each episode, perhaps, or each day to help you get back on track into flow so that midlife doesn't feel like a giant slog. Because after all, this is the second chapter of our life. Let's make it the better chapter of our life. Okay, now we're going to shift into the topic of clutter because as I mentioned in the episode teaser and introduction, I have had many people lately responding to my social media posts. It's been such a wonderful experience to see people paying attention and people connecting with the way that I teach content about clutter. And I do think clutter is a massive societal stressor and issue for so many people and for so many households. The literal space is overwhelmed and there's no clarity in this space. There's no energy flow in our spaces when we have a lot of clutter or even moderate amounts of clutter.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:10]:
So I'm going to share with you, when I'm teaching you in this lesson, some of what I've learned from conversations I've had with followers on social media in the past couple of weeks and they have been interesting and all the topics are kind of different from each other because everybody is different from other people and it's been just eye opening for me. So let's start this conversation first. I'm going to discuss what even is clutter Because I've had to deepen my understanding about what it is and what it is for people and what it means psychologically to us. So let's talk about that. I think the regular human being would consider cluttering really to be focused around the items, right? Is the item like, is the metal cup that I'm looking at on my desk clutter? Is it excess in terms of stuff? Do I have too many cups? Is it a waste of my money somehow? Is that metal cup wasting my resources? Is it intruding in my space? Somehow? We look at clutter as something really attached to the physical nature of that item. And what I've come to believe lately in the past month or so is that clutter is way more than that. And many of you also know this because you've experienced having clutter. It's kind of this emotional and energetic experience as well.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:49]:
So I've kind of expanded my own definition of what clutter is to anything that creates or inhabits some negative energy in your heart, in your mind, or in your space. So this metal cup that I have described to you, it doesn't bother me. So it's not clutter for me. But the same metal cup in your house or on your desk might really bother you tremendously because it's not the prettiest cup. It makes noises sometimes when I put it down. It might be the most irritating thing that you have in your house. So to each their own when it comes to clutter. So only we can decide what is cluttering our lives and our energy and our attention.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:37]:
And that is all part of my understanding of clutter. Now, I hope that was clear for you. What is your definition of clutter? Think about that for yourself, but then use that definition to decide, oh, I'm calling this clutter. Must be time to figure out what to do with this item. Because I don't want stuff cluttering my mental clarity and flow, because I heard on Dr. Lee's show today that our mental clarity and flow are way more important than any particular item could ever be. I'm not going to attach all this meaning and all this drama to stuff when I could use my mental clarity and flow in better ways for better purposes. So that is my wish for all of you, that we just kind of release the attachment to stuff much more quickly and much more easily.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:35]:
And we don't feel guilty anymore. We don't feel ashamed for having the clutter in the first place, and we don't feel guilty for wanting to let things go that really have no space and no place in our lives anymore where they've done their purpose, where they served their beautiful purpose. For the people who have passed on that we love, the love stays. But the items do not have to stay in our homes if we don't want them there. I'm going to give you some examples of some of the conversations that I've had on social media. People commenting would say it's not that I think this stuff is clutter, it it's that my space is too small to house these items. And in my heart I immediately felt that there was a negative experience because of those items. Even though those items were loved, the sheer amount of them and the size of their space created a difficulty for them.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:36]:
And for me that's clutter. It might not be for them really at the like again, to each their own. But what would it be like if this situation is your situation currently? What would it be like to experience space flow, to experience an abundance of freedom in your space where you don't have to think about being cramped and crowded and overwhelmed by your stuff anymore? I have a feeling you would feel that was like a gift. Even though you might be in the other situation now where you feel like you have more stuff then you have space. So give that other side the possibility of having spaciousness a good try at least in your mind right now and see if you can have a different relationship with your stuff. It might just be the freedom that you've been looking for. The other kind of stress that clutter brings to people in my social media audience is that they don't feel stuff is clutter, but other people in their lives do. And I was sensing the interpersonal stress brought on by this stuff.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:47]:
And sometimes we lose sight of just how much stuff we're dealing with. Because again, society teaches us all the time how important it is to collect stuff and be attached to stuff and buy stuff. So really we're not faulting anyone. We're all just subjected to this messaging all the time. But what would it be like again with the second scenario of interpersonal stress about clutter? What would it feel like to not engage in that kind of conversation anymore that you listen to what the stresses are? You either settle that conversation with that person or you try to living with a little bit less to see. Huh? Maybe they have a point. Whatever you decide, it's really just reducing the interpersonal stress as the goal there. We're reducing stress in general.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:44]:
That is a great goal to have for personal wellness, health and an Anxiety free life. I love that as a concept. All right. The third concept or conversation set that I've been having online with followers is that clutter can cause an interruption in focus. This feeling of, oh, I don't even want to go there or look at it or deal with it. It's this really toxic state. And so the clutter is not only causing this external stress in this space, it's also causing this internal stress. And, and the clutter is triggering that internal negativity and that irritation and that feeling of not being well or not feeling like the space is yours or under control.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:40]:
And so that is just another example of how clutter, when we have it, might be the thing that we look at to say, ah, let's lighten our load. Let's get that mental clarity that Christine was talking about on the show today. Let's decide once and for all that we're going to value things that are more, more of value than physical things. So remember these lines. If you're at peace, it's probably not clutter. And if you're stressed, stuck or conflicted, going back and forth about whether to keep it or leave it or dump probably is clutter. Again, if you're at peace, it's probably not clutter and you probably like it or it probably serves you. And if you're stressed and frazzled and irritated every time you walk into a room, there may be some clutter to deal with.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:36]:
So give yourself permission to have real clarity about what's going on in your life and in your space and with the clutter. And I think you'll find the path to lightness and flow soon after that. I mentioned a couple of minutes ago that we're all overwhelmed with messaging about buying stuff. We're on Thanksgiving and about to head into Black Friday Cyber Monday. I think there are other names for the weekend buying frenzy that we're about to head into on social media. And we're getting lots of messages from every single store that you've ever even been curious about lately. And in midlife, we may experience a need for a turnaround from all this acquisition and all this accumulation that starts before we're born. Really with the what's the gender of the baby and that whole industry.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:38]:
I have a statistic that the US baby industry is estimated at $67 billion annually and is driven heavily by pre birth purchases like clothing, toys and decor. And it's no wonder that we feel like we need more stuff. We need stuff to feel comfortable, but know that it's putting money in other people's pockets. And it's part of capitalism and the purchasing culture. But it doesn't have to be your be all and end all in midlife. Because we're not newborns and we're not oftentimes in need of so much stuff. We're oftentimes too crowded by our stuff and we have enough. Like, what would it be like to really live feeling like you have what you need and then some, right? Then we have more room for that clarity, for making decisions about how to use our time, where to travel, where to experience something new, novel, where to see live entertainment, somebody's growth, where can we support somebody else in our lives? That is the kind of thing I love to do in midlife currently.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:01]:
I love receiving invitations to live events, to seeing a kid's performance, to get together with someone at a new spot and just experience being with people and reflecting and spending time together. Think about that. That could really replace buying as your new dopamine hits, right? Instead of saying spending all of your income with the holiday sales, maybe figure out a calm and quiet way to say, I'm at peace. My nervous system is really serving me beautifully. I'm so happy. I'm so thrilled. And we can skip the online shopping or maybe do a little bit less of it so I have a little less clutter to manage in the end, right? So remember, when I ask people what their core values are, I've never once heard somebody say stuff. Typically we say things like achievement or being a vivacious person, being authentic.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:09]:
These are values. Remember not to put your values on stuff as much as you may have been taught to or trained to, because sometimes that could just generate emotional blockage and static. And we like our clarity. I know we do, because we like making time for success or we wouldn't be here together on this show. If you have any comments about this episode, about the purchasing culture, or about what I might have mentioned about clutter, or anything about being on social media, I'm all ears. You can DM me on Instagram, I'm at Procrastination Coach on Instagram and on TikTok, and I want to wish you peace, joy and health and a lot of flow this holiday season. Thank you so much for sharing this episode with me. I had a lot of fun delivering it to you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:08]:
If you'd like a free download that goes with this episode to reflect on these issues for yourself and and to remind you about what can keep you in flow, please go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/mentalclarity Again, it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/mentalclarity and I will see you next week for another episode. We'll be right back. Bye.

Speaker B [00:19:38]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:43]:
If you enjoyed what you've heard, you.

Speaker B [00:19:45]:
Can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also Visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mention on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Procrastination Coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making Time for Success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:18]:
Talk to you soon.