How to Finally Do the Thing You’ve Been Avoiding

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. I am Dr. Christine Li, your host and this is episode number 236. If you happen to have forgotten that you are way more powerful than your entire to do list, I would love for you to listen to this episode. Because in this episode I'm going to take you through a four step experience where you can figure out what has been holding you back from doing that one item that you keep avoiding. So the topic in general today is avoidance. But the solution is going to involve how to get yourself to that point of feeling accomplished, feeling like you actually can do this. And it is going to involve a little reflection on your power.

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:51]:
Let's go listen to the episode together. Now. You.

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:59]:
Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Lee and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:12]:
In this podcast you're going to learn.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:14]:
Powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:42]:
All right, today we are going to do a little bit of an interactive episode. I don't oftentimes do it this way, but I feel the material, the topic for today's episode really calls for some back and forth action between me and you. And I hope this exercise gives you delight and it gives you new energy and it gives you a sense of your own power. Today's topic is how to do the thing that you're avoiding. Now I know and probably you know that you may be avoiding lots of different things, but there may be one particular item that keeps getting avoided that really sticks out and is slightly different than the other items on your general to do list. And today I am talking about that one task that you probably spend some energy avoiding. It's not just sitting there. You have to kind of think about it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:47]:
You feel kind of icky about, keeps cropping up in your mind. It's that particular item. So that is the first thing that I want you to do in this interactive episode. I want you to first identify what is the task that you've been putting off resisting avoiding, saying you don't have time for, saying you don't have enough energy for thinking that you can put off another Day. That's the thing that I want you to identify, but I don't want you just to identify it. I would love for you to say it out loud, to say it out loud to somebody else. That is the ideal situation. When you bring it out of this private shadow place, you give yourself more open energy.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:38]:
You let somebody know that this is on your mind. You let yourself know that you actually can master this task. And that, by the way, is the reason why therapy and coaching works. Because we are actually verbalizing the issue that has been causing knots in our stomachs and causing our brains to be really distracted and clogged in terms of our thinking ability. So when we talk to people about the things that are bothering us, we end up releasing some of that negative energy and some of that feeling that we are trapped, that we are hopeless, that we are helpless. Because guess what? You're not trapped, helpless and hopeless. You're actually super powerful. So go ahead, take a minute.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:28]:
You can do this while you're driving. Think about what it is you are avoiding. Be real with yourself. Do not criticize yourself. Just identify it as if you were maybe a surveyor just counting vegetables or something like that. You are just going to say, oh, it's that one piece of broccoli that I keep avoiding packaging. All right, random example, but you get my message. I don't want you to think that self development is something that has to be painful.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:03]:
That's actually something that I've come up with over the years. The thought that the best way to develop yourself, to improve on anything is to not criticize yourself and to feel good about the process. And the way to feel good about the process is to make it light, to make the steps really doable, and to really celebrate the fact that you're even trying all along the way until you get to celebrate the real finish, the real result, the real change, and the improvement. So make this easy. Identify one thing, that one piece of broccoli that you don't want to eat, and then maybe write it down. But try to tell somebody, because I do think that is a big piece of the energy release. The second thing that I would like for you to do is take another moment and identify the resistance. What is making this particular item so darn difficult to approach? Is it that you believe it's too complicated? Is it that you just have a feeling it's going to be really nasty or gnarly or uncomfortable? Is it something that you're thinking about the thing? Is it a conversation that you have to have with Someone.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:22]:
Is it a decluttering project that involves so many different things you don't even know how to start? Is it something that you might think is super important that might also be a reason why you are resisting? Like it's important to your career or to your status or to your financial situation or to your family's well being? We can find all sorts of reasons to make things important, and a lot of things are important. But we also can be very crafty and creative and in coming up with different reasons why we should just delay the important thing. So do yourself a favor. Identify the resistance. And resistance comes again in all sorts of forms. It can be that feeling in your gut, it can be the tightness in your shoulders. It could be that you just don't want to go to a certain place in your house or apartment, something like that. Identify it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:26]:
But again, apply my general guideline of be super kind to yourself. When you recognize what is going on, and if you're curious what is going on, if you don't happen to know, think about it for a while. Let it go another two or three days. I would say two or three days maximum. And investigate. When does it come back into your mind? What thoughts and feelings do you have when it does come up again? What do you feel about yourself, about the fact that you haven't done it yet? These are all clues as to what is going on. It typically isn't beyond our recognition, this investigation. Typically we kind of know why we're avoiding it and that's why we're avoiding it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:15]:
But I want you to identify it also. Write it down. Okay? So the first two steps are identify the thing you're trying to avoid. The second step is to get really clear about the reasons why you are resisting doing the thing. Right. And just looking at it, looking at it like you're an observer. You have no skin in the game. You're just doing the task that I'm asking you to do.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:40]:
The third task in this interactive exercise is to elevate your power. And I'm guessing that none of you really suspected that I would say that. But I do want to say that your sense of your own power has a lot to do with getting things done. When we believe that the spare bedroom is too overwhelming for us to declutter, the spare bedroom wins. But the funny thing is the spare bedroom is never actually going to be more powerful than your ability to declutter. And I chuckle because we fool ourselves. I fool myself all the time. That's why I'm the Host of the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:30]:
And I'm a procrastination coach because I've done the self fooling for years and decades over so many different areas of my life. But now I know that I'm more powerful than all of that. I'm more powerful than my old habits. I'm more powerful than any clutter, even though I still have some clutter. I am more powerful than my thoughts may even sometimes have me believe. And so when I remind myself of that, I can then backtrack and figure out, okay, what's my plan for doing this thing that happens to be bothering me right now? What's my plan? What's the next step that I can take so that I never have to think about this thing again? And that's the real victory, right? It's not that your life is going to change because you cleared the spare bedroom, although it will be life changing. What is going to be amazing is that you're going to show yourself how good it feels to face challenges as they come. You're going to show yourself how good it feels to do what you know you need to do.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:40]:
You're going to show yourself how good you can feel in your own home space. When your home space is totally clean and clear. It's a wonderful feeling. And it's going to be a great celebration when you actually handle what you are avoiding. So to recap the first couple of steps, identify the avoided thing, identify your resistance, and then elevate your power. You might need to come up with some sort of affirmation saying, I know that I can declutter one item from this spare bedroom every single day. Something that you can really believe in, something that points your nose in the right direction towards the finish line, and an affirmation that keeps you feeling like, wow, I really do have a lot of power. I don't have to feel helpless and hopeless anymore because that doesn't get me anywhere.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:40]:
So know that you're powerful, know what you're doing. And also I'm going to Throw in tip 3.5, which is don't get distracted by all the other things on your to do list. Right? We all have long to do lists and we all think everything's so important. But really what we can do to up our game is to maintain our focus and keep our focus on one thing at a time. That really is how to get through your to do list. So stay focused, allow yourself to be focused. Don't get freaked out by all the other things that are lurking on the to do list it is okay, because remember, you're more powerful than anything that you're avoiding. All right? And the fourth item in this interactive exercise is you're going to take action.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:35]:
You knew I was going to say that tip somewhere. You are going to take action. You're going to find the next most reasonable step in the process of getting this avoided, dreaded, icky task done. And you're going to say, oh my God, I'm so grateful I have this plan. I am so grateful I can just start. I am so grateful I can do this this afternoon, right after listening to Dr. Lee's episode. I am so grateful that I never have to think about starting this again.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:09]:
I am just so grateful in general for this life I have and the power that I hold and possess. So with all of this, you should have a rock solid plan for getting the most avoided thing done today. Or at least starting on it. And I chuckle again because this kind of material really puts me in a good mood. Being able to help you, being able to make things easier for you, getting you out of your own stuck space because you are so powerful and we need your power in the world, not your feeling of being stuck. We don't need that anymore. So let's make a great day of it. Let me know by sending me a direct message on Instagram.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:58]:
What you do, what you knock away, what you take care of, what you celebrate and how you're going to celebrate. I would love to hear your progress. If you'd like a free download that goes with this episode about conquering avoidance, go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/victory again, it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/victory and I can't wait to hear what you do. And good luck with all of this. I'll see you next week.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:33]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also Visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mention on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Procrastination Coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to and let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making Time for Success. Talk to you soon.