How to Keep Promises to Yourself (Even If You Always Break Them)

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. This is episode number 309. Have you been having trouble keeping promises to yourself? If that sounds like you, I want you to take a deep breath in, take a deep breath out, and then listen to this episode because we're gonna do a bit of a hands-on workshop type of experience in this episode. I'm gonna give you A step-by-step strategy for how to forgive yourself for everything that you may or may not have done prior to this moment. And I'm going to give you a very clear pathway to figuring out how to straighten out your path going forward. You will be keeping promises to yourself in a different way after this episode. I can't wait for that moment to happen, and I look forward to sharing This workshop episode with you now. Let's go listen to the content together.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:08]:
Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies For getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast. So today's episode is going to be a tutorial on the topic of how to keep promises to yourself. I believe this topic is of great importance.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:07]:
I think all of us want to be the kind of people who keep promises to ourselves, but there are moments in time, there are circumstances There are anxieties that interfere, perhaps block us from being that kind of person, at least some of the time. And if you're interested in having a smoother time of it, of being someone who just is true to your word, this episode is going to be fantastic and it's going to be a bit hands-on. So If you're in the kind of space where you can work with pen and paper, I suggest you do that. And let's start that process now. So the first thing that I want you to do is to just appreciate yourself, appreciate the fact that you have tried, that you are well-intentioned, that you have big dreams, that you may have made mistakes in your life. Before, but from this point forward, you're going to be the kind of person who really nails it. That you understand from this point on that you can significantly increase your reliability with your word. That once you set your intention and you set your goals and you set your path, you're going to walk the path in a straight line and you're going to reach that goal.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:37]:
You're going to stay true to your word, and you're gonna celebrate being at the end of that pathway. But how do we do that? The first tip, like I mentioned, is we need to forgive ourselves for everything that came forward before this point. And now how do we start new? We start by envisioning what we actually want from ourselves. You wanna make a statement, a kind of affirmation statement, of who you want to become. Do you wanna be someone who has a tidy kitchen? Do you wanna be someone who shows up to work on time? Do you wanna be the kind of person who has their outfit ready the night before? It does not matter to me what you choose, but I'm sure it matters to you. So figure out one small area in your life and in your daily routine that you struggle with, that seems to be back and forth. Sometimes you do it, But sometimes you miss the goal entirely, even though you mean to stay the course, even though you mean to be consistent and on time and true to your word. Just be honest with yourself, but do select one area and then create the affirmative statement.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:50]:
Say to yourself, I look forward to being the person who keeps my closet tidy, as an example. I look forward to being the kind of person who keeps my closet tidy. So that is step 1. Write your affirmative statement and get the ball rolling. The next step in this work process is we need to observe what has been holding us back from being consistent up until now. Was it your attitude? Was it your mindset? Was it your kids? Was it the season of year? I don't know what it was for you, but I'm gonna give you 4 topics to consider as potential roadblocks to your consistency success. The first roadblock would be you've taken on too much all at once. Maybe you decided you wanna clear out your whole house Instead of just the closet, and then you got completely overwhelmed and then you didn't do it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:56]:
So it may be that your eyes are too big. I think that's the phrase, that you just wanted to fix everything all at once, and then that held you back, that made you inconsistent, that made you fail to even start, perhaps. That's okay, because right now we're just reviewing the past mistakes. We're no longer going to do those. mistakes moving forward. So what do you do instead of looking at everything that you really want done right now? You're going to limit your view and you're going to just choose one small area. It should match your affirmation statement, and you're just going to start with one small win to look for. One small win to say, I'm going to do this.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:41]:
It's going to happen. It's very doable. And I'm the person who's gonna do it. The second area that might be a roadblock for you is that you don't actually believe in the feasibility of the goal that you want. Like, you don't believe it's gonna happen. For instance, are you gonna launch that podcast? Are you gonna write that book? Are you going to get that new job? Whatever it is for you, you might want it, but you might not actually believe it can happen for you. That's a big roadblock. The believability factor is a huge roadblock.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:16]:
The other part of the believability problem is that you may not believe that you are the person who will be able to get that new job or do that new thing or change that habit. So it's either you don't believe in the goal, that it's possible for you, or you don't believe in you. You don't believe that you're the person who will make that goal possible. No matter which one it is, or even if it's both, I wanna let you know that all things are possible for you. All goals are in your mind because they're doable for you. But we do need to get you in alignment with those big dreams and with yourself. If you doubt yourself, that's basically splitting your energy in half. Part of you wants something, part of you doesn't think.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:07]:
It's okay or doable or reasonable to even think about. So instead of doubting yourself, decide, I'm all in, I'm going for this. This is 100% for me. It's a no-brainer. It's guaranteed, insured, going to happen. You can bet on it. That's the attitude that we want to have if we have that kind of roadblock. Third type of roadblock.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:33]:
Is your language. Perhaps you are talking to yourself in a very negative, self-critical, or doubting way. It's that negativity that is basically coloring the page black before you even get to pull out the colored crayons. You are just saying it's going to be a nightmare, it's going to be too hard, it's going to be stressful, it's going to not be suitable for me, it's going to be embarrassing. It's all of those fears And negative predictions that our wonderful brains so easily come up with. It's that negativity that could sink us even before we've reached the starting line. So what's the answer there? You might already know. Get rid of the negativity.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:20]:
Clean up your language. Decide you're the person to do this. This goal is yours for a reason. There is nothing that is going to hold you back, and you are definitely not going to talk negatively or critically about your own efforts, your own desires, your own path. We're just going to be like pure positive reporters on the experience of our lives. Everything is an experiment in life. Let's make it a positive story and let's make those dreams come true. That is really our job in life, I think, to Pick ourselves up when we make mistakes, but then keep going towards those beautiful dreams that we have.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:03]:
The 4th roadblock that you might be struggling with is that you get distracted or you intentionally distract yourself because you're feeling uncomfortable with the size of your goal or the fact that you're dreaming big or your chances. You're just worried. You're stressed about the uncertainty of it all. You've never done this before. You feel like a fish out of water, perhaps. But I want to let you know that you've got this. You don't need to be distracted. Netflix will be there when you're done with your goal.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:37]:
The stuff in the refrigerator that you're so interested in eating right now, you can wait for that snack after you're done, after you've taken that first step towards your goal. So evaluate what roadblocks might have been unseen. before, clear them away, forgive yourself for having them there. It's totally fine. And now decide, okay, what next? The next step that you're gonna do is you're gonna make one small promise to yourself. What is the next action step that you can take? What can you check off that giant to-do list that you have? But what will be really meaningful to you in this pursuit of consistency and this pursuit of your success? What positive, meaningful action step can you take? Delineate that, write that down, but also make a commitment to yourself that you're gonna get this done. Be specific. What is it gonna look like? What will make it be done? How will you feel? What time of day will you accomplish this at? What's the whole scene gonna look like? Make it a vision that you can move towards.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:50]:
And make it a promise to yourself. The next step that I want you to take, I think this is also very important. I want you to track your behavior on that action step for 7 days in a row. Are you going to do it 7 days in a row? I hope so. I think you can do it. I think, you know, you can do it, but we're going to see what happens. But the good news is, no matter what happens, you're going to have a direct— place to record it. You're going to have proof of what happened.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:20]:
You're not going to let your excuses make you forget about tracking or your set intention for yourself. You're going to track it every single day. You could pair that with having breakfast or your morning coffee or your evening toothbrushing routine. Whatever you want is fine by me. Just make sure you have it at a fixed time every day and make sure you track your progress Or lack thereof, every single day. Notice that I am coaching you with a sense of flexibility. I don't insist that you be perfect. I'm not perfect.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:56]:
I don't think you are either. But I do think that we're people in progress and that we need to hold ourselves up to the standards that we know we can attain once all those pesky roadblocks are. cleared out of the way and we feel good about ourselves again. In that environment, we will succeed. It's inevitable. You can track this stuff. It's just a checkmark. And then repeating it 6 times more.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:24]:
You can absolutely do this. Remember to keep your goals reasonable, especially when you're maybe feeling shaky about your reliability. If you're totally a procrastinator, or totally a self-sabotager or a masochist or whatever label you wanna call yourself, be kind to yourself because it's only by being kind to ourselves that we feel like it's safe to move forward. That, by the way, may be a hidden roadblock that you feel a lack of safety with yourself, that you don't trust yourself. People have told you not to trust yourself and you've had a record of failures, but I want you to know You can make today a brand new day. You can be a different identity starting right now with this podcast episode. It is all possible. Final step is you want to make this kind of like a contract with yourself.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:21]:
You may want to write the affirmation statement, the goal, the promise, the action step, and the tracking sheet all on one form. Perhaps an index card that you can tuck in your pocket or in your planner and make it a contract with yourself. Date and sign it and make it fun. Make it this great experiment for this week in November. It's all a game anyway. Why not make it fun and meaningful and make it serve you at the highest level? I hope you do this piece of work because Being able to trust ourselves and our word and being able to see ourselves act towards success day after day after day is a beautiful gift that we get to give ourselves. Hope you do this. Let me know on Instagram.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:09]:
Send me a message if you do this. If it works, what happened? Tell me the story. You can reach me by sending me a direct message on Instagram @procrastinationcoach. Please follow me there if you're not already doing so. Again, I'm @procrastinationcoach on Instagram, and I invite your positive messages there anytime you want. If you'd like a free download to help you do this work of keeping your promises to yourself, go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/promise. Again, it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/promise. Promise, and I'll send you that worksheet right away.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:55]:
I will see you right on time next Thursday on the Make Time for Success podcast when the next episode drops. Make sure not to miss it. Bye-bye. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also Also visit our website, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mention on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Procrastination Coach.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:33]:
Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to, and let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. for success. Talk to you soon.