What to Do When You Feel Like You Have No Time for Yourself

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:02]:
This is episode number 277. We are in the middle of our three week miniseries entitled Hidden Patterns, draining your time, energy and progress. Last week we covered how perfectionism is a real thief of your joy and your productivity. And today's topic is how you can feel like your time is always escaping you and you don't have any time for yourself. Essentially, the topic is time loss. We're going to look at why that feels like it's happening, why it is happening, and what to do about it. Let's go listen to this episode together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:50]:
Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:13]:
and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:19]:
power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:32]:
Today I want to talk about something that I hear from people all of the time. And sometimes I say these things to myself too. I hear the comment, I just don't have time for myself. Or alternatively, I don't have any time. And I feel that when we say that, what we're actually describing is the feeling that the time that we have doesn't really feel like it's our own. We don't really have full ownership over how our time is running across the day, how we're using it, what we're paying attention to. And then guess what happens? The day just fills up with things that it will fill up with, like responsibilities, job, projects, obligations, strings of emails, texts, appointments, and somehow we reached the end of the day and we feel like our own needs were not met, they didn't have a time slot. And we feel then at the end of the day a little bit stressed.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:40]:
So we all know we all have the same number of minutes in each day as the next person. So. So we need to figure out when we're feeling busy, when we're feeling like time is slipping away from us, how can we restore our sense of ownership over our time? I would love to have this conversation with you because I feel this time conversation is a critical one because when it comes down to it, our life is lived in time. Our time is our life really. There is no separation of the two when you really think about it. And when you think about time from that angle, it really bears looking at. It really bears our concern and consideration. And we really can take our time back, we really can take our lives back from busyness, from overwhelm, and from this feeling like we don't have enough.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:45]:
My first recommendation in this big question of how do we restore our time for ourselves is to allow yourself to recenter yourself in your own activities. I'll repeat that. Allow yourself to recenter yourself as the center of your own activities. I think the reason why time feels like it's dribbling away, it's drifting away, or attention is going here, there and everywhere, but we're not really focusing on the things that matter to us in the end is because we have forgotten that we are the center of our lives. We are the center of any action that is going to spring from us. When we decide that we're the center and not the external circumstances, not time, but us, then we restore a sense of powerfulness and energy to ourselves. We decide we're the decider, we're the craftsperson, we're the magician, we're the engineer, we're the boss, we're the master, we're the timekeeper, we're everything. So the first step is simply realizing that, that you are important.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:06]:
You are deserving of this kind of focus. You actually have this kind of power, but you need to assume it. If you don't assume the seat of power, something else is going to fill that seat. It's going to be the distraction, it's going to be TikTok, it's going to be your kid, it's going to be the clutter. Something is going to fill that spot. So my suggestion to you, first and foremost is, is to occupy that center position where you're just not somebody who fulfills everybody else's needs and wants and wishes. You're someone who is really rock solidly attuned to what you need, what you're responsible for, what you want to see happen in your day. So, number one, re center yourself in your own activities and actions.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:00]:
The second suggestion that I have for you is to start taking a closer look at what is happening to your time, what is actually happening. And I am talking tracking. Tracking is one of my favorite words because it involves pen and paper for me. It might be a computer for you, but pen and paper just clarifies my brain and my thinking and instantaneously because I feel like I'm really focused because I'm really taking stock of what is happening. And there's so many different ways we can track our activities these days. But another benefit of tracking is not only our better focus and our better centeredness, but it keeps us away from the things that really cause our energy and time to dribble away. It causes us to avoid worrying. It causes us to calm down and be less stressed.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:57]:
And it causes us to feel like, oh, I'm actually not as behind as my emotional heart is making me believe. I'm not needing that treadmill of fear anymore. I have my tracker. I know my schedule, I know how much time I have left. When you know how you're using your time, you're automatically going to feel more centered. And when I work with clients, I see oftentimes that we're talking more in the language of fear than we are in the language of progress and getting things done and taking action. And I'm always encouraging people gently to consider that they are safe and they actually have time and, and that they will feel much better when they see themselves moving away from the procrastination and worry and stress and moving towards actual action. So to practice this, let's open up your calendar.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:57]:
Where is it? Is it on your phone? Is it on your desk? On your desktop? Whatever it is, let's take a look at it. I want you to ask yourself a few questions. One, what are you actually committed to doing today? That does not mean what's on your calendar, but it's what are you committed to doing? Which means what do you know you have to and will do today? The commitment is the key word there. 2. How are you approaching the tasks that you're committed to? What attitude? What action steps are you going to use? Who are you going to ask for help? Are you going to do it quickly or thoughtfully and more slowly? What's your approach? Third question. Is there something on your schedule that you might be over complicating? Are you overthinking something? Are you involving too many people? Are you using too much of your time? Those are all ways in which you can overcomplicate what just needs to get processed and done. The fourth question, is there something you could do more quickly? That errand that you've been avoiding. Just go out, get some fresh air, get that errand done.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:15]:
Things like dropping off the dry cleaning, picking up the medications, doing the quick grocery pickup. Let's get that stuff done. The final question is, is there something that's on your plate that you actually don't need to do at all. That's another one of my favorite questions. Because sometimes we're just packing it in out of habit, when really it's not important. That refreshing of our pantry really doesn't have to be done today. We can give ourselves some of our time back. We can take our time back.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:51]:
So to review those questions again, number one, what am I actually committed to today? Number two, how am I approaching these tasks I'm committed to? Three, Is there something I'm over complicating? Four, Is there something I could do more quickly? Five, Is there something I don't need to do at all? Sometimes just taking a calm review of what's on your plate can immediately put you in a calmer state, a more empowered state. And again, it can connect you more closely to the time that you're actually living and spending. It will save you time to do a bit of tracking and planning. Just get used to it. If it's not something that you tend to do because all that free floating, worrying and thinking about your to do list in your head instead of on your paper, that's taking your time, it's a hidden drain on your productivity. The third recommendation that I have for you is to create more space in your life. We just reviewed five questions that can help you make a little more space in your calendar, but you can also do that in your environment. You know, I like to talk about physical decluttering a lot.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:14]:
Decluttering is a great way to immediately give yourself a sense of greater spaciousness, greater room to move, greater relaxation, room to breathe, room to work. And many women are so busy and they're so beset with worry and obligations that they feel like there's no time to do the decluttering. And I'm going to just interject here, you don't actually need time. You need to be in action. And you need to touch one to three items as you walk by the pile of clutter. It's okay that you don't do the entire pile or the entire hotspot, but it is necessary that you take action. Again, it's not a matter of your time or your energy. It's a matter of your commitment.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:07]:
If you are committed to making a sense of greater space in your life, you need to touch the clutter, you need to be intentional, and you need to get that done. So begin asking yourself when you want to create more space in your life. 1. Is My presence really required here? Because you can opt out of maybe the occasional neighborhood association meeting because you've been to every other one. Maybe you can skip one. 2. Could someone else handle this? Could someone else do my decluttering today for me? That's fine. Just make sure that decluttering happens a little bit every day.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:50]:
3. Could an email replace this entire interaction that I'm planning a meeting or a meetup or a dinner? Maybe you could just say, I really don't have the bandwidth now. I'm really trying to learn how to relax more. I'm going to opt out this time. Please carry on without me. And then you get all this time back just from a single email. The fourth thing that you can ask yourself is, does this actually need to happen at all? Again, we are deciding that clarity and spaciousness are things that restore our time. When we feel well, we do well.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:29]:
Again, when we feel well, we do well. So be really powerful when you make these requests to take back your time. You don't have to be embarrassed. You don't have to feel like you're slacking. You don't have to feel like you're inconveniencing someone. If you are, let them say that to you. You don't have to predict that yourself. Because everyone is responsible for their own work, right? Like when we were in school.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:56]:
Keep your eyes on your own paper. Same when it comes to guarding our time and using our time well, you're responsible for your schedule. Let Kathy and Judy and Marjorie decide what they're going to do with their time. It's all going to work out, I promise. These questions can free up a surprising amount of time to review. 1. Is my presence really required here? 2. Could someone else handle this for me? 3.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:25]:
Could an email replace a whole bunch of meetings and interactions for does this actually need to happen at all? My fourth suggestion is a little bit of an emotional development suggestion. You need to get comfortable with having more space. So often when I'm working with clients on physical decluttering, I get the very interesting question of what is my life going to be like? Who am I going to be when my space is fully decluttered? It's kind of like a mystery because so many of us have been saddled with clutter for so long, we have no idea who we're going to be. And my answer always is a very gleeful you're going to be bigger, better, and brighter. Like everything is going to be better when you have more space and when the stuff that is dragging you down, that clutter, that excess, that stuff that is broken and not useful to you anymore is gone we are all about clarity and spaciousness today. But also know that you might feel weird at first. It might be a little bit anxiety provoking to be in a clean, open space, but that's normal because our bodies react with a little bit of anxiety every time we experience something new. It's nothing to be terrified of, because guess what happens after that initial spike of anxiety? You feel better.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:54]:
You feel like, this is my new normal. My identity is of a clear, uncluttered, spacious person. I'm that person now. It's immediate. It happens. You can do this for yourself. So get out of the negative loop where you're procrastinating all the time. You feel behind all the time.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:14]:
You feel like there's never any way out that you can see and decide you're no longer going to be without your time because your time is precious. You're going to change that habit loop and you're basically going to stop it. And you're going to say, I'm going to create a new habit loop. I'm making a positive habit loop. I am taking my time back. Dr. Li said I could on the Make Time for Success podcast. And that permission to create a positive time loop.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:48]:
A positive habit loop involves you being more mindful, you being the center of your circumstances, you being responsible for tracking what's actually happening, you asking some questions, inquiring questions about where your time is going and what is needed and who can help you out and what you can skip doing from now on. And then when you decide you're taking the reins, you're in charge, you're the boss, you're going to find that you have more time. It happens quite magically, but it's also just self regulation. That's really the answer. Maybe it's not so magical at all. It's just allowing ourselves to be on top of our lives and on top of our time so that we can operate in time instead of behind time. It feels better already. Just speaking about it feels comforting.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:49]:
And I promise you, when you engage in this way and make these minor shifts, these minor but important shifts in your life, your time will feel like it's expanding for you. That's what we call time relativity. That the same minute can feel really cramped and pressured and stressful, and the same minute can feel beautiful and like an hour and like it's giving you all that you need. I hope you have that expansiveness of time as soon as possible. If you'd like my free downloadable worksheet that goes with this episode, I invite you to get it at maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/restore again it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/restore. It's time to get your time and life back. You are the boss, so you get to do this and I hope you enjoy every single step in this process. We are now done with week two of this mini series and next week we're going to wrap it up with the final episode where we're going to go deeper with what is actually underlying things like perfectionism that we discussed last week and time loss like we discussed today.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:12]:
And what is underlying all of these things in our lives and in our productivity. It's our energy and we're going to talk all about that next week. I'll see you then.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:23]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:28]:
If you enjoyed what you've heard, you

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:30]:
can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also Visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mention on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Procrastination Coach. Send me a DM and let me know know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to and let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:00]:
I'd love to hear all about how

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:01]:
you're making time for success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:04]:
Talk to you soon.