Why Resistance Is Blocking Your Joy—and How to Move Past It

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. I am proud to announce that this is episode number 250. It's so lovely to reach a milestone number of episodes. Thank you so much for being a listener of this wonderful podcast. It's been such a pleasure to create and deliver to you today. I thought because we're at episode number 250 that we would talk about the concept of creating new beginnings for ourselves. After all, I've got another 250 episodes ahead of me now, so let's go listen to this episode together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:42]:
Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:06]:
And accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:12]:
Power, you're going to see how being.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:14]:
Productive can be easy and how you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:17]:
Can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:26]:
Today's subject is New beginnings. I chose that because of a number of reasons. One, yesterday we had an eclipse at the time of this recording, today is the autumnal equinox. And I also just wrapped up my five day free challenge called Re energize your home. And as always, when I run that challenge, I walk away with so many thoughts about how people are approaching challenges in their space, in their home, how people think, how I think. And I just wanted to share some of those thoughts with you so that you could start on a path of starting with new beginnings as well. And the challenge, again, is just this hotbed, this pot of of people's opinions, people's thoughts, people's comments, people's stuff in their homes. And I think it would just be a lost opportunity if I didn't tell you a little bit about what happens in there.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:34]:
All right, so in the challenge, I always see resistance. Resistance is basically what clutter is all about. It's our resistance to taking care of business at the time when we could. And we delay a bit, we let the resistance pile up a bit. There are clutter piles, there are hotspots in our homes, there are mystery boxes, there are doom rooms. And it's heavy because resistance is heavy. Resistance. Anytime we're resisting something, avoiding something, it adds a layer of extra into our lives.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:11]:
It adds an extra layer of complication. To our to do list, it adds a little bit of something that feels oftentimes a little bit negative. So inside the clutter challenge, we see that resistance is oftentimes around the process of letting go of physical stuff. Stuff that you might have paid a lot of money for, Stuff that you might think is useful to you will be useful to you soon, like if you lose some pounds or if you gain some pounds, Stuff that you've, for some reason, developed an emotional attachment to or have an emotional charge with. Like a piece of clothing that your father had that happens to be in your home and he's now passed on. It's that kind of thing. It's coming from all different times of your life, all different parts of your life, and it's all this kind of stuff. It's all a lot.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:14]:
So people who are coming into the challenge are signing up to take a look at this resistance and see what can I do with this? And that takes courage. I really have to thank and applaud everyone who even signed up for the challenge, because it means that you are interested in something new. You know, that there's something that could be different about your situation and how you're dealing with the stuff now. So I just wanted to fit that in there because I think that's important. We have to know our why whenever we are thinking of changing our behavior. Why do we want things to be different? Why do we want to feel differently? Why do we think it's possible to move things around and have a different outcome? And I will answer that succinctly. We think this because it is always possible to create a new beginning. It is always possible to change up your energy.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:14]:
It is always possible to let go of your clutter. That is for sure. This round of the challenge, I noted something a little bit different. That than in the past challenges that I've run, this challenge was a little bit larger. There were many more registrants. I had about 2,500 registrants. And I was wondering to myself, how will this feel different than the ones that I've run in the past? And what I did notice was that there were more signs of real resistance. People who were in the middle of the Facebook group for the challenge who felt like they couldn't make the first step, Even though I designed a very simple first step.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:00]:
If you've been in the challenge, you know, the first step is really to just make your goal and then touch one to three items of clutter. It's as teeny tiny as we could possibly make A clutter challenge. And yet I found there were several handfuls, I would say, of people who felt like they were so overwhelmed, so inundated with clutter, that they couldn't make the first step. And I loved that. I loved the honesty. I loved the diversity of members, the fact that not everyone was raring to.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:35]:
Go with their clutter.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:37]:
And I think that's important to note, too, because we all are so different that we can't judge someone who's stuck. We can't judge someone who's desperate to make progress. We're all so different, and there are all so many wonderful reasons why we are stuck and why we might be raring to go. So that may be just a little tip snuck in there by me, that you need to just let go of any thing that smacks of judgment about what you're doing, what the other person is doing, what the clutter looks like or feels like or is like. Just get rid of the judgment layer, because when you do, you kind of clear the space for movement. It's kind of like when somebody comes over to your house and you just really want to spruce it up just a little bit. That's kind of what it feels like when we remove judgment. We feel like we can actually look at the situation like calm, adult human beings.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:41]:
And that is really helpful. So when I saw these people who needed more support, who needed active coaching, I felt really grateful. I. I think this is what I was born for. This is what I love to do. I love helping people to move away from resistance, to see that the resistance is temporary, to see that it's not as dire a situation as our thoughts might have us believe. And I thought I would share some of what I shared with that group of people and the challenge group as a whole. I have three thoughts today about how to create new beginnings, even when you feel overwhelmed, inundated, and totally stuck.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:28]:
So the first thought that I have here to be helpful, or I hope it's helpful, is that you want to ask your higher self, your true self, perhaps, what you really want. When we are stuck feeling like we can't even do the first basic step of any process that seems simple intellectually but feels impossible. Here's what to do. You want to identify what are the two different parts of you that are in conflict. One part of you really wants you to stay the same, really wants you to feel safe, really wants you to not get yourself into a situation where you feel more drained than you already do. That part of you we're going to call The Safety Guardian. I just made that up, but it fits. So imagine that in your left hand, this is the Safety Guardian.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:26]:
But another part of you feels very differently. That right hand holds the part of you that desires freedom, that desires a clear space, that desires something new, that desires a new sense of energy in the room and in your heart. So that part is going to be freedom in the future. So we've got, on the left hand, we've got Safety Guardian. And on the right hand side, you have freedom in the future. And right now they sound really different. And they are kind of in a battle because they're so different. It sets you up for feeling like you're in the middle, you're torn.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:13]:
You have both of these sides, they're both kind of indicating that they want attention. So what do you do? Your role is to listen carefully to both sides, to be kind to both sides, to recognize that you're in conflict, but then in the end to decide what is the direction that my true highest self wants to travel. Do you want to travel towards safety and staying the same and having this stuck energy, or do you want the freedom to explore what being expansive, what being experimental, what being flexible, what being more spacious might feel like. And I'm going to suggest that hopefully 10 times out of 10, you're going to side with that goal of the right side, the goal of freedom and the future. And that's the danger of clutter, because clutter makes us think that the past is actually a big better place to stay. And really the past is gone already. That part of you that loved that sweater, that identity is kind of gone. It's.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:26]:
You're not that person anymore. And who you are is the person who is ready for change, who is curious about change. You might be conflicted about it, but there is a part of you that's really ready to do that already and feels like you might even be behind on taking that opportunity to get new energy into your life and into your space. So look at the left hand side, look at the right hand side. Examine your needs for comfort and safety, and then examine your desire for freedom and your bright future. And then link those hands together and then decide both these sides of me want the best for me. So I am going to proceed with confidence in the direction that I desire the most. And again, I'm thinking 10 times out of 10, you're going to then touch the clutter, touch one to three items, or do the very first micro step that you need to do for the challenge that you are undertaking.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:29]:
If it's not clutter. So again, to remind you, the first tip here is to ask what your higher self really wants. What do you really want? Especially since you actually are safe and comfortable. Let's see, where are you going next?

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:44]:
The second tip that I have for.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:46]:
You today is to really observe the words that you use inside our free Challenge Facebook group. There were hundreds of messages from hundreds of participants. And so I could really spot the difference between the people who needed just a comment of, yay, you're doing well, and the people who really needed extra coaching and encouragement from me. And the way I could tell the difference right away was the presence of negative language. Words like, I can't, not, I don't, Nothing is going to change. I'm completely overwhelmed. You get the message here. We hear negative language because it seems really loud, I think, sometimes compared to positive language, like, oh, yes, it's going well compared to, oh, this is terrible and I'm in a crisis.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:40]:
Our ears are gonna perk up when we hear the negative because we're ourselves alert to any signs of danger, typically. So it's easy for me to see who needs help inside the Facebook group and what I would do this time because there were a number of comments like this. I suggested to the people who submitted the comments to go through the comment and cross out all the negative words and then reread the statement to themselves. And it's such an interesting experiment when you do this, because what is revealed is actually your wish, right when you're saying the sentence, I feel so overwhelmed, I can't do this. You can say to yourself, I feel like I am beginning something and I can do this. You turn this into a positive. It's a simple exercise. It's easier when I have the words actually in front of me.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:43]:
I'm making it up as I'm going along now in this podcast episode. But you can tell that you can really flip your beliefs around, around just by taking the negative words out, the negative energy out, the negative beliefs out. And then what you have left is your wish. Your desire is to be free. Your desire is to be clutter free. Your desire is to be confident. Your desire is anything but being overwhelmed. Your desire is to be calm, cool, collected and clear.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:16]:
That's my guess for you. It's also my hope for you. And I think it's really true. None of us really desire to be overwhelmed, but yet so many of us sometimes feel that way. So now you have this easy trick, this easy technique and strategy to use for yourself. Go grab a journal, Go grab a blank piece of paper, write down the story of what you're struggling with now, then go through that story again and cross off the negatives and then read it out loud to yourself. See if that motivates you to get that first micro step checked off, ready to go. Our words really carry weight.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:55]:
And so when you see them right in front of you in black and white, you're gonna spot the negative beliefs, you're gonna spot the resistance that your brain and body are putting up so that you stay safe and you stay alive. But then you're gonna remind yourself, I am safe and I am vibrantly alive. And I'm gonna go with my positive direction and desire. The third coaching tip that I have for you today is that you need to learn how to value what you've been overlooking. I believe that this one may be the hardest one for me to teach and for you to maybe absorb. Because it's kind of like the stuff that we're not looking at in our lives. It is really easy to put all of our attention and all our calculator brain focus onto the pile of expensive clothes that you spent a lot of money on and you used only a little bit and you're wondering if you'll need it in a month. That's really easy to do.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:00]:
We've all done that at some point. We've looked at something that we've purchased and wondered if we will need it in the future. But what we aren't looking at so easily is what would exist in our lives if we got rid of that once expensive, currently not useful pile of clothes in our bedroom closet. What are we not looking at? We're not looking at the space that would be created in the closet. We're not looking at the fact that the money that we spent on those items of clothing is already gone. It was gone before you even brought the clothes into your home. That's how long ago that money was gone. The value of those items of clothing has likely diminished drastically.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:52]:
So let's get real with ourselves and say to ourselves, there's actually very little value to me now in that pile of clothing. I wouldn't call it clutter if it did have use to me, let alone monetary value. I'm not even using this stuff. So instead of projecting our ideas about money and spending money and having stuff, accumulating stuff, I would love to encourage you to think about having a new skill, which is having space, having freedom, having your attention back from that pile of clothes in the corner. Of your bedroom closet. It's really going to be wonderful to have that brain space back. Think about it. If our brains are a trillion dollar machines, what would it be worth to give yourself more space, more RAM space in your brain? What would that feel look like and be like if you could be sharper, quicker, more determined because you are not looking at clutter anymore.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:05]:
So I hope that came across relatively clearly that there are things that we're forgetting to value in life, like time, relationships, our energy, our physical space, our emotional and energetic space. These are things that we can't put a dollar value on because they are so priceless and that may be the best way to teach that subject anyway, that we don't want to get fooled by our clothes, those old jeans and those old shoes that hurt when you walk in them. Let's not get fooled by those items anymore. Let's just decide. We're going to prioritize us and our needs now. And not only are we going to prioritize our needs, we're going to be very guilt free in this process. No more guilt about the things that you did spend money on. You once loved those items or you once were very attracted to those items.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:04]:
There is nothing wrong with that at all. Let's just steer clear of the energetic suck that is clutter, that is regret, that that is guilt and shame that is overwhelm so that we could just lead the lives that we were meant to lead. Ones filled with joy, purpose, accomplishment, rest and open space. I hope you loved this episode, number 250 of Mine. It may be just the new beginning that you've been looking for. If you'd like a free worksheet download that accompanies this episode, I encourage you to go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/newbeginnings it's maketimeforsuccess podcast.Com/newbeginnings and you'll get this free worksheet to journal out those ideas, plan your next challenge and micro steps and your new beginning. Sending you a big hug and knowing that you can do this. Whatever you have on your mind and heart.

Dr. Christine Li [00:21:15]:
It is all there for you to do, to take, to experience, to be. I'll see you next week.

Dr. Christine Li [00:21:23]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upload episodes. You can also Visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes and all the resources we mention on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Procrastination Coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:22:04]:
Talk to you soon.