April 13, 2023

Mind Over Matter: Breaking the Weight Struggle Cycle for Lasting Weight Loss with Rita Black

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What role does our brain and programming have in our efforts to change our habits and patterns and how do we train our minds into consistent, effective action? Today's guest, Rita Black, is here to share how to stop the yo-yo dieting experiences. Although our topic of focus in this conversation is weight loss and weight management, it is relevant for anyone who is interested in mastering their mind and their behavior.

Rita Black is an author, speaker, and the director of Shift Hypnosis in Los Angeles. She is an expert in the psychology of weight management, the author of the bestselling book From Fat to Thin Thinking: Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss. Before Rita was a hypnotherapist, she was a client, using hypnosis to stop a pack-and-a-half a day smoking habit and “release” 40 pounds. It is her passion to help you with your own transformation.

• [7:39] Rita discusses the dieting industry, dieting habits and the “I’ll start again on Monday” syndrome.
• [22:47] Rita shares the importance of shifting your mindset to properly support yourself.
• [34:45] “'I’m now learning about myself. I'm now committed to my journey forward. What are some other choices that I have right now? To take care of myself in ways other than food? Am I really hungry? Am I really good? Or oh, gosh, I just ate that cupcake!”
• [47:52] Rita explains what hypnosis and meditation does to put our mind in a relaxed state… giving our brains more to work with, than when we are in a conscious defensive state.

For more information on the Make Time for Success podcast, visit: https://www.maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com

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Connect with Us!
Dr. Christine Li -
Website: https://www.procrastinationcoach.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/procrastinationcoach
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/procrastinationcoach/

Rita Black -
Website: https://shiftweightmastery.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ShiftWeightMastery/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/shiftweightmastery/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ritablack/

For Rita Black’s free resource, go to: https://maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/rita


Christine Li  0:01  
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. This is episode number 122. 

What role does our mind have in our efforts to change our habits and patterns? What can we accomplish when we understand how to train our minds into consistent, effective action? Today's guest Rita Black is going to share with us how to finally stop the yo yo experiences of dieting, and of believing we want to act one way and then finding ourselves acting another. The topic of focus today is weight loss and weight management. But I truly and sincerely believe that this episode is relevant for anyone who's interested in mastering their mind and their behavior. 

Rita is an author, speaker, podcast host and the director of shift hypnosis in Los Angeles. She is an expert in the psychology of weight management, the author of the best selling book, from fat to thin thinking, unlock your mind for permanent weight loss. She is a hypnotherapist who not only has successfully learned how to quit smoking, and manage and maintain her own weight. But she also has a wonderful track record of helping 1000s of other people to achieve their own transformations to let's go listen to this episode and learn how to harness the power of the subconscious. To shift our beliefs and behaviors to make the breakthroughs we are craving. Let's go.

Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped 1000s of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they can begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn a powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy, and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast. 

Hello, hello. We are so excited today because we're learning about the topic that everybody talks about all the time. And that is weight management. And I have my special guest today, Rita Black, who is my first repeat guest on the Make Time for Success podcast. So I want to Yes, yes, I want to welcome you back. I love Rita Black. And I'm so happy that we have another chance to showcase her brilliance. Welcome to the show.

Rita Black  2:43  
Hey, I'm happy to be around. I'm so honored that I'm your first repeat guest. That's pretty awesome. Thank you, I

Christine Li  2:51  
wouldn't have it any other way. And thank you. And Rita is an expert in many things. One of the main topics that she works with her clients on is weight management, which I think anyone who's ever struggled with weight or had a weight goal has probably experienced some sort of tousle with the idea because we're working with so many different factors. And that's why I'm so interested in hearing what Rita has to teach us about all the different factors that are involved in the process of managing weight and weight loss. So why don't you take it away, Rita.

Rita Black  3:39  
Thank you. So welcome. I am I feel welcomed. Thank you. So where I feel like I come in here is I feel like most people who are what I would call struggling with weight, don't lack knowledge. Right? Like, you know, you and I were talking about this before you turned on the camera, right? My mother was a went to a, you know, she went to Berkeley pretty good school. She majored in nutrition, she knew a lot about nutrition. She struggled with her weight her entire life. So a lot of times when I have clients so and for you guys who don't know, I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and white focus really is how to use your mind effectively for weight management. So I don't tell people what to eat per se. But I'm really more focused on how to use your mind to get consistency with weight management because for most people, they know what to do, but it's about consistently doing it long enough to get to your goal and then to maintain weight over time. And that is where I see a huge epidemic and what I call like start over again on Monday syndrome right where we get stuck in being good on a diet and being About on a diet and I know Christine you are, you help people also manage their minds in the area of procrastination and productivity. And ultimately, at the end of the day, my guess is getting results with productivity is pretty similar to self management with regards creating a more powerful relationship, communication system within yourself with regards to these things. Absolutely. So I have my little brain map here. And for those of you who are are, and I'll, I'll explain it so that if you're not listening, if you're not watching, you're listening, I'll try to make it user friendly. But, you know, so here, what we all are working on is how, how do we use our mind effectively, and here's the problem with like, what I'm called dieting, and I know dieting is even like a bad word right now. But like regimes or plans or anything, like we have a conscious mind, we have a subconscious mind. And really only 12% of our mind is the willpower analytical, I'm going on a diet, I'm going to be good, I'm going to eat the chicken and broccoli and I'm going to you know, it make, you know, good choices and, and exercise and all of that stuff. And my guess is if you've been you struggled with your weight, you've been able to do that for a certain amount of time. But what happens is that over time, we so the conscious mind is that willpower part of the one the subconscious mind is where we have our identity, we have our beliefs, like food tastes good when I feel bad. I, you know, my metabolism is broken. You know, I'm a bottomless pit. I'm a sugar addict, we have a lot of limiting beliefs about ourselves and our ability to release weight, right? Then we also have habits, right, we have, oh, I need something sweet after dinner, or eating in front of the television, or eating in front of our computer or stress eating, or eating in the car, just habits that are patterns that we've developed to survive to get through our day, and they just are persistent, even though we don't want to do them anymore. That 88% of the mind doesn't care because it's now on autopilot. It just wants things to stay exactly the same as driven to stay exactly the thing. So I get so many people who are brilliant people who are like, I know what to do. I know how to do like, why can't I get the consistency. And and this is the primary reason is there's nothing wrong with you. But it's it's the dieting industry and how dieting and weight loss really evolved, really doesn't use the brain in the most effective way. Because it's starting with an external thing going on a diet, right? You're being good on the diet. So what happens when you eat a pizza, you go out for the weekend, and you you know, over eat, the throne feeling is I blew it, because I was being good on the diet. So I'm gonna go off the diet, because we don't want to feel bad. You know, like, our brain in our you know, our psychology is like, Ah, I don't feel good. If I feel guilty, I feel bad. I'll stop. And I'll say it again on Monday. So so now we're putting future action where we're going to be perfect when we're going to be good. But the problem is, then from Friday to Monday, we overeat. And we eat generally too much, right? So we get in, and then we get habituated in that cycle over and over and over again. So it just becomes a knee jerk reaction. So that's where most weight is gained is in that sort of what I call the weight struggle cycle where we're going on a diet be good for a certain amount of time, fall off it, you know, find some other diet focus on that be good. And, you know, I've worked with in this field for 20 years, I've seen 1000s of people and you know, look, people can take off 2040 pounds. But ultimately, they'll get to that weight. And then something kind of shifts in them. And they're like either I have impostor syndrome because they're like, Well, I'm not really thin because he'd been so focused on dieting, but not becoming that person who maintains their weight at their ideal weight. Right? And there's so many layers to it, obviously. I mean, you and I could talk for hours and hours but this is the main idea is that consciously we know what to do but subconsciously we are working against and now with hypnosis, why hypnosis can be really helpful and meditation and mindfulness is that in the state of hypnosis in a relaxed mind state, our mind isn't in that defensive mode. So we are able to give suggestions that are going to help you start to shift how you see yourself, how you communicate with yourself, and to also focus on shifting habits as well, because all habits start changing with mindfulness and with an ultimately, I don't know, if you've I'm sure you have read. Uh huh. Now, I can't even remember it, I'm having a senior moment. But James clears book, atomic habits. He's a big proponent of all change really begins with identity. And I think you and I've talked about this before. So we're going to look at three changes that you can make three shifts today that you can start to make if you are struggling with your weight. And you want to say, well, how read do I begin to use my mind more effectively, to begin to get some more consistency. And to break out of that, stop.

Start over again, on Monday cycle, the first thing that we really want to look at his identity. And what happens is when we are struggling with our weight, we live in the world of weight struggle, right, like so we see ourselves as a struggle or and especially, I know, I grew up struggling with my weight from a very young age. You know, by the time I was eight, I was the biggest girl in the class. I you know, my mother was obese. Even though like I said, She majored in nutrition, she was a brilliant woman, but she also was a brilliant cook and made lots of yummy things. And, and, you know, I grew up in the 70s. And the aesthetic was super skinny Mini. The, you know, curves were not welcome. You know, it was those very conforming. And so, you know, I went on my first diet, i Yo Yo diet up and down the scale, and I lived in this world as a drug dealer. And when we're a struggler, the problem is, and Christy and I think you, you talk about the same thing with, you know, seeing yourself as a procrastinator, it's a stuck identity that doesn't allow you any growth, because you keep reinforcing that idea of yourself, or you try to get away from it. But there's that it's kind of like it always just comes back like a boomerang. So you have to offer yourself an alternative identity, in order to step into a new idea of a way of seeing yourself that's going to allow your beingness to tell so California Whoo, like being nervous, but you know what I mean? Like, you have to be something not struggling, but you want to step into something more powerful and positive that you can, because really, what we're doing is just utilizing the brain more effectively to focus it. So what we really want to do, and this is what I suggest to people is to really start to see yourself as a weight learner or weight mastery learner. Because when we're a student of something like when we're an apprentice, right, we're open to change, right? We're we want to change, we're hungry for change. And most of what I have seen in the multiple, you know, 1000s of journeys that I've seen with weight management, is that weight management isn't about being perfect. It isn't about being good on a diet, but it's about learning about yourself and your end, and self correcting. Like, oh, you know, eating three pieces of pizza on Friday night actually doesn't work for me, because the problem is we'll eat three pieces of pizza, then we'll search self shaming. Oh, look at me, I did that bla bla, and we don't really get that. Wow, eating three pieces of pizza actually is uncomfortable. It doesn't feel good in my body. We don't do that we just go to our head and our thoughts and and then we go into that start over again mentality. So so the stepping into the identity and beginning to learn like oh, okay, well what didn't work for me in that situation? Was I too hungry when I got to the restaurant? You know, did I let my family influenced my thinking because I really did want some to order something healthier, you know, then we have then the next time we go out we're going to make a different choice not because we're being good or bad but because we're learning about ourselves and our behaviors and what works for us, right so so really just opening that up and the great thing about a learner see that the when you're in a struggle or identity you can't everything comes in and is filtered through that. So any diet you go on use, there's a subconscious like you're gonna fail anyway. Because you're a struggler there's a lack of respect with yourself and a lack of belief in yourself. So when you're a learner, you kind of have a different attitude you know about yourself and who you are, you're like, Oh, I'm a learner, you know, like, I'm doing something here. And it immediately connects you to yourself, it immediately allows you a level of respect with yourself, you know, so it opens many doors, and it kind of flips a lot of subconscious switches immediately, that you don't have to work that hard to do. You know, so it's a shift that can be it's, it can happen right away and can open the door. Now, the next one is communication, right? Because, again, when we struggle with our weight, our inner communication system is, is, you know, I don't want to, again, I don't want to say it's like bad, but I just want to be, it doesn't really work for us, we typically have a very loud critic, in our mind, because we've developed that what I call the inner critic, and then we also and as loud as our inner critic airs, we have this other entity, what I call the inner rebel, you know, so if your, your inner critic is like, on Monday morning, pull it together, you fooling with this weekend, you know, sugar for, you know, carbs for you, you've just whip it into shape, right? The louder that part of us is that and that's the part that it's not okay, that we're struggling with our weight. You're not okay, it's not okay, that you're overweight, you need to lose that weight as fast as possible, because how you are right now is not okay. You're not okay. Right. So there's this shaming, disconnected entity. And, you know, if you look underneath it, there's fear, there's, you know, it's a very fearful part of us that we can have empathy and compassion for, but how it plays out, is, you know, anxiety and like, It's shame. And so then we develop this other rebel part that's like, they should love you for how you are, like, just eat whatever, like, look at them, they get to eat, like, you know, there was like, Oh, you had a really bad day, food is the answer, right. So there's, there's these two parts of the more stressed out we become, then the more we want to hit the eject button, and just eat. So. So what we're working against is this critic that is addicted to perfection. You know, I don't know about you, Christine. But I remember I had I had a closet, when I was struggling with my weight, I had a closet full of food, all these really weird foods, because like, especially in the 90s, and the early 2000s, every weekend, it was like, here's the different like diet of the day, you know, the grapefruit diet and all that. And they all said, Oh, you need to have these specific foods in order to I remember, like the master cleanse, like you had to have the Grade B syrup, you couldn't have a you couldn't have see, it had to be B or you are not going to lose weight, right? Like, it's just like the most ridiculous. You know, so you're like searching all over town for these weird ingredients, you know, you find them you go on the diet you're like, are off at 10 days later or whatever. And then you start to put all these products in your shit, you know, your cupboard of shame, or at least I did. So, so we're so addicted to that perfectionistic like, if it says to eat a red apple and you eat a green one, well, you blew it and you're not going to lose weight. And it's not based on reality. It's not based on rational thinking. It's based on complete, like, nonsense of external structure that you have to be good on. And, and I, it's, it breaks my heart because people, the people I work with are amazing and highly functioning and all the areas of their life work except for like, there's this shit, we just go to this shame. It's almost like PTSD we have with this because of that really harsh, harsh critic that really beats us up. So anyway, we want to shift into what I would call a coach in or coach you know, what the inner coach again is going to be working with the learner. And and setting goals that are and that are specific, loving, you know, is are these in line with what we can do this week? You know, respectful. You know, what, you know, we were talking about food earlier. It's like, do you like that food? Does that make sense for you? You know, like, how does that food feel when you eat it? Does it nourish you? does it symbolize you, right? So we start to work at and this is like I have just FYI. Those of you who are listening to me like so I released 40 pounds 27 years ago and I've kept it off right so So I'm not just like saying, hey, you know what? But so the journey of keeping weight off for you to like long term, you know, because I'm a woman now I'm, you know, in my late 50s, I can't believe I'm saying that but anyway, I mean,

no, but it's going to be better than when you like, why will be in my 60s Oh, well, I'm a woman in my 60s. But right now I'm in my 50s. So I'm in my late 50s. So I'm, I've had children, I have gone through menopause in this time that I've kept the weight off. And so in less youth, because nobody goes on a diet, and I've never met anybody who said, I've been on this diet, for 20 years, I've just been really good on it just perfect for 20 years, right? It doesn't make sense. So you have to develop an inner voice within you, that is going to coach you through because I've changed the way I've eaten over those 27 years, my metabolism has gone down a little bit because I'm a woman in my my late 50s, I've had to adjust. But it didn't come from being perfect on some diet, it became from developing a relationship with myself, and tuning into, you know, how my body works, rational thinking, and, you know, everybody who is listening to this has mastered something in their life, right? And even if it's driving a car, right, when you first drove a car, you made mistakes. I you know, my son is for driving for the, you know, keys, we just got his license, and he's driving Oh, my gosh, you know, I'm I don't know how I'm but you know, when you drive a car, you almost run into cars, or you, you don't, you aren't a great driver, right? But you stick with it, and you self correct and your your other people correct you and you get better and better, until finally you don't even know you're, you're you get in the car and you go somewhere and you're like, Wow, you don't even aren't even aware you drove right. So mastery does not come overnight. But it comes from developing a relationship with yourself and a willingness to learn. You know, there's obviously a lot more to it. But the main point I want to make is you're shifting out of that perfectionism, and into what I would call persistent coaching. You know, nobody goes to work on Monday. And Wednesday, you blow it and you take your person you leave, and you're like, well, I'll be back on next Monday when I'm going to be perfect. You know, you just you stick with yourself through the proper, you know, like, you and I are both parents. There are days where you feel like, wow, I really blew it as a parent, but you don't give up you just keep going. Right. Okay, so last point, is, uh, now that so so that shift in communication is huge. And you can start doing that today start becoming aware of that critical voice start to say, am I criticizing myself? Or am I coaching myself? That's a huge shift you can start to make today. The other thing I see people doing, and we're all thrown to do this, because of the dot, I really do feel like the I don't want to demonize the diet industry, but why not? You know, it's like, we are so thrown for the short term idea of weight loss, right? Like, and it comes from, again, that we are not okay as we are. So we want to get the weight off as quickly as possible so that we can be okay to ourself. Right. And so it makes us very vulnerable to these crazy juice fasts, Master Cleanse, whatever that you if you really thought it through, you're like, really thought that long term through is like, Is this really a long term plan for success for me? And so the focus is on the diet, the focus is on. I had this woman who, you know, literally she had been on she had spent $50,000 on different diets, different stuff. She came into my office, she said, I left my wallet in the car, because I don't want to give you my money. Squirt. But she said, if you can. She said, If you told me today, she said this is how crazy I've been crazy from dieting. If you told me I if I would drink water and eat dirt and lose 20 pounds this month, I would do it. You know and that's how how vulnerable we become. Because we are so we so don't want to be where we're at. So I really feel like the key is not thinking I have a term called Loving yourself down the scale. So the key is to you love yourself today, right? And again, that there's a little more to it than that, you know, you need to forgive yourself, you need to start to create a connection of respect. And forgiveness, frankly, is that first step, you know, forgiving yourself. And it's not that you have to, it's not an overt forgiveness, but there's a lot of resentment we build up against ourselves when we struggle with our weight. And, and it's, it's crazy, like, in my process, the shift weight mastery process, we do this forgiveness exercise, and it brings up so much stuff for people because that they're like, I don't have any resentments. And then then then they start writing, they're like a holy crap, I have so much resentment against myself. And it really, and once that resentment is cleared away, there's, you start to believe in yourself, because you know, this, Christine, that, you know, all those limiting beliefs of all the failed diets, right are like in this evidence folder, saying you can't do it, you're not going to do it anytime you go on any sort of weight plan. And what happens is, what if you reframed that like all of these, like anybody who has had because I've worked with lots of people who have had long term success. And what happens is when you get to that way that you want to be at that is respectful. And you'll look back at all those things that led you to here, because I see the weight journey as a hero's journey, you see that they all were steps on the road to success rather than failure after failure after failure, because you probably learned about yourself, you, if you allowed yourself to look back and learn from that instead of make it mean that you're never going to be successful, then it's very healing to look at it from that perspective. So one thing I tell people is to really create a vision of not just them at their skinny wave. But who is that person in it? Like, I talked about long term pro eight. Now, sir, I talked about not just the day you get on the scale at your ideal weight, but I'm talking like five years past, they're, like, having maintained it five years, like who did you have to be calm in order to do that, because when you really think about it, it's pretty profound. I mean, I know for myself, when I was 40 pounds up the skill, I, I, I got it, I was like, okay, the person meat, the me who's going to be 40 pounds down the scale is probably going to talk to people about her needs differently, you know, I'm probably going to need to ask for support I'm going to need, and I'm not comfortable doing that yet. But I'm going to have to become willing to do that. And the me down there is going to have to probably have a different relationship with food, where I'm not eating a lot of the stuff I'm meeting now, and I'm eating different foods, but I'm going to have to be happy about it. So I'm going to have to shift my thinking about that. And the meat down there is going to have to be probably exercising consistently, because I've done a lot of research on studies of long term weight management. And there are there are very clear, specific and I created a skill set called the nine skills weight mastery. And you know, a lot of them are about support, getting your environment aligned with you, which we don't do when we're struggling. And so so it's not about you being perfect on this diet and getting that weight off. But as you're saying, this is where I'm going, and this is who I'm becoming today. And you know, I'm not there yet, but I am cultivating that part of me just like when, you know, I think when I became a parent, you know, you think about you have this little baby, but you're also thinking about like,

how do I support this baby, keep them safe till they're 18 or 25? Or whatever. And who is that person that I want to be that mom, you know, I'm sending my son off to college this year. It's a I already have one in college, but it's like, wow, I didn't ever think I was gonna get here but that it started cultivating that idea. I hope that makes sense. So, so really shifting to that long term idea of yourself and it's who just getting your brain doing that because your brain will go, oh, that's where we're going. That's what we want to do. And even when you're not thinking about it, your subconscious mind is starting to ask you questions and think about things a little differently. So I hope this makes sense that just opening your mind in your identity, stepping into the learner, starting to listen to when you're criticizing yourself, go Wait, those are just thoughts and I can step aside from those thoughts. How do I coach myself in the situation? How do I learn from that? And then really shifting that like, oh my god, I gotta get these five pounds off. I Gotta get in that smaller space and go, Wait a minute, how can I just love myself today? And start, you know, how can I just make some changes today that are on the trajectory of who I am becoming, which is me, you know, my ideal way, setting myself up for success, living, you know, eating the like eating in a way that I love that allows me to live at my healthy best self.

Christine Li  30:25  
Rita, I am transfixed just listening to you, and so grateful for you coming back on the show and giving us this masterclass here already. And I've been very quiet. But that's because you are such a pro and so generous with just the wisdom and your kindness to anyone who might be struggling or curious about what is going on, with the back and forth and the dieting and the negative feelings that really seemed to just be connected with the whole concept of food eating dieting, diets and weight. And I have a couple of questions. I have notes all over the place on this little whiteboard that I have in front of me. I wish I had had it cleared before we we did this interview, but I will continue. The first thought I had was when you mentioned limiting beliefs. And I and I thought that was really an important concept. And my mind immediately went to Well, of course, we have limiting beliefs because we're kind of stuck with food. And I'm sure you've talked about this before and heard this question before, but we're constantly coming up against our impulses are cravings, the need for food, the absence of food, the struggle with food and that limit? Or that those limitations seem to be constant? So can you coach us through that and help us maybe figure out a way through that, that we can rely on another thought or another way of thinking about these limiting thoughts that we have about food and our our ability to relate to it?

Rita Black  32:17  
Yeah, so that's a really great question. And and I would say one way that you can start to do that is pretty much what you just said as to when you're in the middle of it. So you know, I work with smokers. I think we talked about this on my the other podcasts that we did. And the difference is, you know, when you smoke, people struggle so much with smoking, they have a lot of limiting beliefs about smoking, right. But when they step into that identity of a nonsmoker, they never have to smoke again, right like that, once the nicotine is gone, once they become a nonsmoker, they, it's not up in their face, especially but we you're right, we are dealing with not only ourselves, but we're dealing with the food industry, which is is spending billions of dollars a year to market to our brains, then we also have other people in our households, I have a I do an intake form. And I cannot tell you how many women especially right in and say their husbands are their biggest saboteur, right? Maybe eight out of 10 women will say and, you know, is one of the challenges I have so so we're not just dealing with our limiting beliefs, but we're dealing with limiting beliefs of others around us that maybe are also need us to have food for intimacy. So So again, going back to this idea of shifting and the learner, what one of the ways that I think that you can begin to take these steps is to do thought watching right that you would start to notice when you feel bad, you know, when you're feeling what I would call a below the line feeling sadness, depression, anxiety and stress, right? It when you're feeling that around this area of food or weight, say what's, you know, what's the expectation right here? Or what's the thought that's going on my head that's creating this feeling and, and start to look at it and separate yourself out from it. Like, oh, I'm a bottomless pit, or oh, I need to eat because I'm stressed out. And, and so you know, and then say, well, what can I learn about this? How can I learn about this in this, you know, in this situation, like what what, you know, like, there's that thought that I'm fat and I'm always going to be that way. But I'm now learning about myself. I'm now committed to my journey forward. What are some other choices that I have right now? To take care of myself in ways other than food? Am I really hungry? Am I really good? I'm or oh, gosh, I just ate that cupcake. Because it was at this birthday party and now I feel bad. Well, okay, you know, how how am I feeling? Can I be okay that I ate that cupcake and just learn from this so that the next time, you know, I'm confronted with cupcakes? What didn't work about that for me, you know, I want to be here for myself. So What didn't I want to advocate for myself right now? And what didn't work about that? Like, what? How did I allow that to happen? What what could be a happy medium? Like maybe I could have eaten a few bites of the cupcake and then thrown the rest away. It's not like an all or nothing situation like, what would have really worked for me that so that you can take that with you? And because the other thing I think is, in the situation where you've done something that you start to beat yourself up about is to forgive yourself. Because I have this term instant forgiveness. It's like, I forgive myself for eating a cupcake I do I forgive? Okay, I immediately am. Because what happens is, it's not okay that I eat the cupcake. That's the message. I'm going to disconnect from myself right now. I'm going to say no, you're not you blew it, you're bad. You're a bad person. That inner critic. So if I say, oh, no, I wait, I forgive myself. I'm a learner, I will learn from the situation, I'm going to take care of myself now. What do I need to do to feel better right now maybe I need to drink some water, maybe I need to go for a walk, maybe I need to, you know, make my next meal, a healthy meal, you know, really bring in the caregiver and say, What are we going to do to make you feel better? And, and then what did we learn? Because we forgive you, if you are all is forgiven? It's okay. The end because we learned so much in those situations. So when you start to stop thoughts, and, and look at them, shift out of them, and and shift back to, you know, how can I take How can I learn? How can I forgive myself? How can I take care of myself, then you're you're when you become consistent with that, you those negative thoughts start to really show up very quickly and very clearly. And we start to be like, That's not okay, I don't talk to myself that way anymore. You know, I remember one time when I was going through my own shift, I remember really distinctly opening up the refrigerator. And I I began, there was like a piece of cheesecake or something. I don't know where it got came from. But I grabbed a couple of bites. And I started to beat myself up about it. I was like, and then I was like, as like, there was this very critical voice saying, well look at you, you blew it you a couple of pieces that I was like, hold on, you do not talk to me like that, you know, like, I'm okay, I made that choice. I'm gonna live with it. I closed the refrigerator, I didn't eat the rest of it. I didn't go on some sort of binge because I was a binge eater. You know, I drink some water. And I got on with my day. You know, that's the kind of like, you start to have that inner coach and that advocate saying, No, we don't talk to ourselves anymore. I hope that makes sense. Yeah, that

Christine Li  38:32  
does I mean, the word that comes to my mind is you start getting winds for yourself. And a positive reinforcement cycle begins. And as I was listening to your description of how you move through different stages of probably recovery from this negative relationship with food and eating, that you just learn to stop the negatively reinforcing cycle where everything ends up in a loss and self criticism. And you start to find ways that are just calmer and more kind and more real listed realistic, actually, more real world that actually nobody's committed any big crime when they open the refrigerator. And it's it's like you said so much like how I think about recovery from procrastination and avoidance of work and failures to do work that without that flexibility of being able to create new positively reinforcing cycles. We're always going to be stuck at the lowest levels of belief and identity for ourselves. And those are some really stuck negative places. You and I both know how low we and other people can find themselves.

Rita Black  39:56  
Oh, for sure. And you know us says that rational thinking, lack of rational thinking. So often when we eat something that we didn't intend to, like, let's say we're on a strict diet, and then we eat a brand, we go to a party and eat a brownie or something or other, you know, if you really looked at rationally the amount of calories in that brownie, right, and, you know, if you are really real with like, how much energy input output, you know, for weight relief or whatever, you know, that part is like you ate that brownie is bad. If you really look at it, you probably were okay. But then what would happen is you would say I blew it, eat, you know, I at least I would go and eat like five more brownies, then, you know, polish off the rest of the, you know, casserole and this and that. And then wake up the next day and go, Well, you know, two more days to Monday, I'm gonna go get bagels. And so that overage of 300 calories, I don't know, but whatever it is to relate, you know, like, if you were on a weight release journey, I mean, it's ridiculous. When people really stop and pay attention and start to go, Wait a minute, I forgive myself, what did I just do? I ate a few I ate a piece of pizza, is that really in the world? of long term weight management going to be that big of a deal? No, no, it's okay, let me drink some water. Let me get on with my life. You pull yourself back from that whole cycle of, you know, disconnect, you know, we disconnect from ourselves, then we go into numbing, and then we wake up into a huge barrage of self criticism. I mean, it's just it. And we, it's so mindless, and we do it. And it makes sense, because there's a high we get when we first released when we say I blew it. So I'll start again, tomorrow. It's a release. I mean, it really is. So there's a dopamine hit. But it's quickly followed by all the numbing and self criticism. So we have to kind of train our brain to go no, no, come back. Stay here. We're here, I'm here with you. It's your safe to be here. I'm not going to beat you up. You know, and I know it's the same with your how you're helping people is when you know that no matter what you do, you're going to be there with a loving, compassionate energy with yourself. You become a risk taker, you get more bold with your life in all areas of your life. So I think these journeys that people go on through, you know, what you how you help people and the weight journey. People think of it as like, Oh, I'm, yeah, I just gotta lose weight, and I end and it's shameful and everything. I was like, wait, no, this is like, this is just the container in which you live your life and the way you and when you really get that in the right place, like you become unstoppable. So it's not just about people think, Oh, well, I'm being vain. It's just about ways. No, it isn't. This is about how you communicate with yourself. It's this huge.

Christine Li  43:18  
Thank you for that. And, you know, I believe that too. I want to make one more comment about what you taught us. And that is about the defensiveness that we can get into and I don't think I've ever heard that word used in the weight conversation. And I just love that. Could you say a little bit more about that? Because I think it's important for us not to feel like we're in a battle. And and you've given us lots of ways already, but I just thought the word defensiveness really just struck a chord, I think so. I'm assuming that some of our listeners also would like to hear some more about that piece.

Rita Black  44:01  
When you when you say that helped me out because I when you say defensiveness, you mean that weird?

Christine Li  44:08  
Well, you mentioned it right after describing how hypnosis puts us in a non defensive state, and then we got you reaction different than stories. Yeah. So if you maybe talk a little bit about how hypnosis can kill for sure.

Rita Black  44:25  
Yeah, so So from birth until we're in our 20s we're kind of a sponge we're sponging up you know what our parents have to say what our teachers have to say our life experiences right? And maybe you've noticed that as you get into your 20s your brain really starts to I mean, I always laugh at people who are in their 20s in my you know, my daughter's in her 20s now and because their brains are such a I call it show and I maybe I can't say that on this show, but like because they're like all over the plays are like, I don't know who I am, I don't know what I'm doing. Ah, but as we get through our 20s, we kind of have made a lot of decisions about how the world is who we are in the world, and how to operate in the world. And, and that is what we would call the defensive mechanism in the brain there, the brain, you know, as you know, it's, we have millions and millions of little bits of information coming out a stimulus on a daily basis. And our brain is brilliant. So it, it creates this mechanism that is going to buy into certain things based on our past experiences and our beliefs and our moral code. And it's going to buy into certain things, and it's going to completely filter out things that don't work, or they're like, yeah, no, that's not going to work. So like, for instance, with a smoker there, you know, you they could have a million people saying, it's bad for you, you shouldn't do it, I love you. And please don't smoke, don't smoke, that defensive mechanism is like, smoking helps me be calm. It gives me a moment I you know, I love it. It's fun. And it's like it. So when people are saying is bad for you, it's just that part of the brain is just like, doesn't matter. I'm, you know, like, I love it, I need it, right. So it's not going to. And, you know, so if I said to somebody who had been struggling for 40 years with their way, like you, you actually can release weight, like, in fact, you know, I can say to somebody, and this is a fact that most people who release weight and keep it off, are over the age of 50. So it's like, and they've had dieting issues for years. But they can be successful. Their their conscious mind may go, oh, yeah, that makes sense. But their subconscious mind, well, that's not me, that's not going to be me. Because I know that I can't do that. And it's been too hard, I should just give up, you know, so that the that limiting that defensive mechanism is going to be thrown to notes not and that is also the part I believe that is in the way of resilience. Because then we I hear this all the time, you know, I get a weakened, and then it gets harder, the scale doesn't go down, or I've hit a plateau and then I just give up. Right? And that's that defensive mechanism going see it didn't work. See you're not able to do it. See you're a bottomless pit. And so that is just reinforcing that. It's kind of like that subconscious mind has an evidence folder of all the things that we've done that and it's just holding it up against us all the time saying see, you know, you've failed. See, it's not possible. So what hypnosis does, what meditation does, what mindfulness does is really allow the mind in a relaxed state with metaphor and different techniques to go, oh, yeah, maybe it is possible, you know, to open up doors in that. And it doesn't, it's not like a wave of the one or a magic but it it, it gives you more of your brain to work with, than you normally do in a just a conscious defensive state.

Christine Li  48:23  
Yes, the word that came to mind is receiving that you you are calm enough to receive other options and other information and other wavelengths. Yeah, and other ways of being, which is, of course, how therapy is structured, how going to any coach at all for your business for hypnosis, for softball, it's just really borrowing someone's energy so that you can improve upon your own. And it's such a beautiful, natural process to heal ourselves with the help of others.

Rita Black  48:59  
Absolutely. And also, just to just, and I'm sure you see this too, with with procrastination, is that it's like a GPS guide our minds like a GPS like, well, we don't use them use that term anymore. But it's like you were so used to being on one route. And what hypnosis does is relaxed Brandon out enough for it to open up, say, here's another route that you can go on, right? And so and they've done those studies where with meditation, they've seen that neural pathways actually are formed and changed. It's like planting seeds in the garden, but you have to continue to tend to the garden. You're opening up in in a relaxed mind state, you're saying, Oh, no, it could be like this for

you. And the minds like ha, oh, okay.Now I'm curious. And, and, yeah, you're offering that alternative route, route.

However, you are in the United States or in the world.

Christine Li  50:05  
Speaking of alternative routes, I know you have wonderful programs to facilitate and support people and clients and many people that you've you've taken through this journey of Successful Weight release. Could you tell us about your different offerings and what might be available now?

Rita Black  50:27  
For sure. So I have something coming up on April 26, which is a free masterclass which is really dives into more deeply the mental shifts like how do we melt these mental roadblocks that get in the way of us being consistent? So the masterclass is called how to break through the weight struggle cycle and consistently and permanently. And we are going to do hypnosis and that masterclass. So if you would like to test drive hypnosis, please come and join, I believe you're going to put the link in the show notes, right? Yep,

Christine Li  51:09  
actually, we have one already. And it's make time for success. podcast.com/reader are it a again, it's it make time for success? podcast.com/reader. And you all can hear how much I love learning from Rita, I can also attest that people that I have referred to readers program have also just raved about the depth of knowledge and the impact that readers trainings have. So I want to just recommend that if you're curious, go connect with Rita. And take these transits in

Rita Black  51:47  
your king. Thank you. Well, it's been a joy to be on your show, and I can't wait to have you back online. We're gonna do that. Yeah. Coming to my then thinking podcast, you'll get to hear more of Dr. Christine.

Christine Li  52:01  
Yeah, yeah. And Rita and I are now bonded forever. So you'll probably hear Rita on this show. At least another time in the future. I hope. Rita, thank you so much for your time, energy, your wisdom. You're amazing. Thank you so much.

Rita Black  52:16  
You are amazing. Thank you very much,Christine. 

Christine Li  52:19  
All right, everyone. Take this loving kindness inserted into your life in whichever way works for you. Rita and I are both sending love to you. Thank you so much for being here. We will see you next week. Bye. Bye. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. Talk to you soon.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Rita BlackProfile Photo

Rita Black

Rita Black is an author, speaker and the director of Shift Hypnosis in Los Angeles. She is an expert in the psychology of weight management the author of the bestselling book: From Fat to Thin Thinking: Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss. Before Rita was a hypnotherapist, she was a client, using hypnosis to stop a pack-and-a-half a day smoking habit and “release” 40 pounds. It is her passion to help you with your own transformation.

Her hypnosis based online courses: The Shift Weight Mastery Process and Smokefree123 have helped thousands by harnessing the power of their subconscious to “shift” past belief and habit barriers-- creating powerful breakthroughs that last.