May 13, 2021

Overcome Your Fear of Speaking to Become a Confident Communicator with Ellie Parvin

Overcome Your Fear of Speaking to Become a Confident Communicator with Ellie Parvin

Our words have power; the way we speak and act are tools for getting the things we want and creating impact. But why do so many of us hold our thoughts and ideas back? How do we get past those roadblocks to get the things we truly want? 

In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Ellie Parvin, a Communication Expert & Educator, (University Professor, Speaker, Author, Coach and course creator), who uses her skills and techniques to show others how to improve their lives for optimum success and to get what they want. She also teaches entrepreneurs how to improve their communication skills using LIVE video so they can connect with, persuade and move their audience to action and grow their business.

I learned so much from my conversation with Ellie and I can’t wait for you to learn how you can start leveling up your communication after listening to this week’s episode!

Timestamps: 

[2:52]: Ellie’s knack for communication

[21:04]: How our underlying fears keep us stuck

[26:23]: The impact of virtual communication in the workplace

[29:00]: Use this simple trick to improve your virtual communication 

[32:43]: How to level up your communication when you’re already confident

[34:33]: The value of silence and pauses in speech

[41:43]: A recipe for success: plan, prep, and practice

__________________________________________________________

 

For more information on the Make Time for Success podcast, visit:

https://www.maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com

 

Connect with Us!

 

Dr. Christine Li -

Website: https://www.procrastinationcoach.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/procrastinationcoach

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/procrastinationcoach/


Ellie Parvin -

Website: http://www.ellieparvin.com

Facebook: https://facebook.com/EllieParvin 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellieparvin/

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/EllieParvin  

A free gift from Ellie: Persuade, Engage and Move your Audience to Action - FREE POWER WORDS PDF: http://tinyurl.com/PowerWordPDF 

I'm so happy to let you know about my upcoming free live event, the Power Productivity Bootcamp.  Learn powerful strategies for having self-confidence and consistent, high-level productivity.  You're going to feel re-energized once you're done!  To register, go to https://www.maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/bootcamp 🥾



Transcript

Christine Li:

Welcome back to the show. This is Episode 22. I think I've got a fantastic show for you today. In this episode, you're going to hear how le parven took a windy and sometimes literally nerve wracking path to become a communications expert, educator, and coach. She tells fantastic stories at the beginning of the episode, and some of them just are cliffhangers. They're really fun and really describe how we can conquer our fears of being in public. And being big with our voices. You're going to learn so much directly from how la speaks to me inside the interview, as she demonstrates so many different speaking techniques as we talk, including the power of the pause and vocal variety. I love Ellie so much. And I also love the enthusiasm she has for helping others to expand into their full communication power. Let's go learn from her now by listening to the episode. Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped 1000s of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast if you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy, and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make time for success podcast. Hello, Hello, we are in with another episode this one is going to be fabulous. Because I am speaking today with Ellie parven, who is a communication expert, and educator. And she's also just a light in this world. So welcome to the show, Ellie, I'm so happy you're here.

Ellie Parvin:

It is so wonderful to be here, Christine. And I'm so honored to be a guest on your show, and to be able to serve your audience. So thank you so much for inviting me.

Christine Li:

Thank you. I'm so excited for our conversation. Now. Let's start with just having you introduce your story. How did you get to be a communication expert? What lights you up? personally to lights me

Ellie Parvin:

up? I that's a wonderful, wonderful question. Often people want to know, well, how did that person go from? Where was there a before they got to be? Well, I think like many people, my journey isn't as direct I think many people that have different elements of their journey that get them to where they are. And one of the things, as you know, my expertise is communication. And it's a gift of always had. I didn't know that that's what I was going to do. I just knew I loved people. And then my gift was that I could see people I could read people I could listen and pull out the things and repeat them back this act of listening. One of the things with active listening is you could repeat things back and say that's exactly what I meant or that's exactly who I am. And I would get this response from people from literally the youngest of ages. I always was fortunate to have wonderful friends and people in my life. Now, very early on. I thought this means I want to be a therapist, like my mom. My mom was an mFcc psychologist. She had her own practice. She was an entrepreneur, very successful. We lived in Corona Del Mar and Newport Beach, California. And she had her practice in Newport Beach and Beverly Hills and like many young girls who have working moms, they look up to them. And especially when you're young, you look up to your parents, if you have wonderful parents that I was fortunate to have that you think well how can I achieve this level? My goal is to achieve this level and I want to be like my mom or I want to be like my dad. And I started with a psychology program when I was going to college and after one semester could not stomach going through But the case studies, it was just too emotional too much. I personally didn't grow up with this kind of trauma. And I didn't see this kind of trauma. And I didn't realize at the time, but I'm quite empathic and sensitive. And it would affect me. So I thought, No, this is not good. I still want to work with people. Of course, my dad pops in and says, Oh, you should go into engineering or computer science. This is the opening field, they need women. My dad, of course, is an engineer working for NASA JPL. He gets excited. I don't know computers don't really remind me of people. And I stumbled into a communications course, and learned about journalism and thus, spent the rest of my college term writing for papers and becoming a journalist. and communicating and still sitting down with people listening to their stories, being able to pull out and put on paper, what they're all about, and my family. And they say, Oh, you are you should be like Christine Amanpour, you know, this powerful, well known Persian broadcast journalist and CNN, and I don't believe she's there anymore. But she's very well known for great news reporting. And in the Persian culture, which is my background, my family is from Iran. And from Persia, they, they kind of just tag on to well, if you're not going to be a wife, and a baby maker, and a mom and a house maker, then you should probably be an engineer, or something. What is it Dr. Neil or Christine Amanpour and, and, and I thought to myself, well, I don't want to be on camera. Like that's not what I want. And truth be told, that little sprinkle that little crumb of I'm actually hiding. I'm actually hiding and choosing the direction I want to go with my career. And I didn't know this at the time. It's only looking back in that reflection. And through this time, I pivoted into many avenues of communication, journalism for newspapers, magazines, marketing, public relations, and communication expert, and also managing and being the voice of entrepreneurs and writing their content and being them on Twitter. These are all if I looking back, I'm hiding. Why am I hiding? I'm not using my voice. I'm sharing other people's voice. And I do love helping other people shine and share their voice and show them in the greatest of light. But this was the career I took. not putting myself in front of a camera. Because I had these fears and these insecurities, fear of judgment. Fear of growing up in an area I grew up in Southern California, there's all these beautiful girls there and I was not one of them. I was awkward. I had the thick coke bottle glasses. Thank you laser eye surgery, thick a coke bottle glasses and frizzy frizzy hair that was so unruly. My mom eventually just chopped it in, in short, because I would always get tangled. I looked like a boy, I was already a tomboy, as an athlete, growing up and in school. And this sounds so silly. But when I was younger, I didn't feel pretty. I didn't feel noticed in that way I was noticed for the person I was for my character for my kindness and for how I made other people feel. And that's okay too, because those are all wonderful skills to grow and develop. But beauty is not this thing that we can judge or we should care about other people judging. I find that the beauty shines through when we are authentically who we are when we are comfortable with ourselves, those times that you're sitting and having a conversation with a loved one or your best friend. That's you that is authentically you and It really got to this point where I was getting bored in my job, I had a fantastic job I loved where I worked. I loved it. But again, I had this fear of other people's judgement. And what ended up happening the craziest of things that broke me that started to break the ice on that was that I picked up a hobby becoming a fitness instructor. The first time I got in front of the crowd, and I will always remember, this was such a pivotal point in my life. The first time I got in front of the crowd to teach my first class, the instructor knew I had just gotten certified, she handed me the headset, I have this routine memorized. It's a one and a half minute part that she was letting me do, I can do anything for one and a half minutes. I've been taking this class for years and years since it started. I'm in the front row. And she brings me up on stage, she hits the stereo, and I stand there gazing, dead silence, the music is pumping. The audience doing the workout, they're just still doing the workout and continuing. And I'm standing there, and all I can hear is the bursting sound of my heartbeat in my ears and about to push out on my chest, on to the floor in the gym. And when the song ended, I didn't hand back the mic, the mic had fallen down. And I never went back to that class again. And that moment, hit on all my fears. And you know, I didn't die. I survived to work out another day. And nearly a year went by, if you ever had that experience where all your fears were actually physically realized when you did the thing that you were afraid to do. And you looked like an idiot up there in front of all these people that are probably judging you. You know what I mean? You know that feeling that gut wrenching feeling, I really didn't go back and I had to drive 40 minutes to another class because I couldn't go to that class every week. Just changed my whole workout routine. Nevertheless, almost a year went by and another instructor said that she had to move she was moving to Los Angeles with her husband and she wants me to take over her class. And I said, Oh no, I'm not going to teach this. I tried didn't work. And she looked at me She's like, No, you you have what it takes. Why don't you just meet with me and we'll practice. And so Okay, we'll practice. Okay, but don't be Don't be disappointed if I don't meet your expectations. I went with her. I practiced and she gave me some tips. And I practice some more. I met with her one more time after class. It was literally five or 10 minutes. I took her advice and I practice more. And then before my audition for the gym, because you have to audition and teach a class I was an audition. I practiced every single day, every single day, for two hours a day. During lunch breaks at my job. I was selling ad space for dog fancy magazine at the time. I remember this my lunch breaks. I would sit in my car, listen to the CD and practice in music practice without the music saying the queues telling us so that you know what's coming. Next you have to memorize the whole routine and practicing the queues. You have to be counting to the music you have to know how to keep count. There's a lot of elements to it. And no problem. I can do this I can do this. I was still very nervous on the day of the audition. I remember going up there on stage and prior to going up there I went to change in the locker room and vomit in the trash can because I was so nervous. I did I lost my cookies. I was so nervous. I'm told myself okay, that's out. Let me just drink some water. I will go out there and I'll put on my best face and with a smile and be energetic. And I keep imagining in my mind, these cardio fitness classes that I used to take with my mom when I was younger, you know like the ad style aerobics. All fancy and fun. Now I get on stage. I do My little introduction, the gym manager is there watching me to take notes. And she has this look on her face. And I'm like, what's the look on her face. So I start going, I'm doing the warm up, my heartbeat literally starts to slow down. Like, I'm going to blackout. It's just slowing down completely. And everything is going in slow motion is happening again, it's happening, but I'm not frozen. This time, I'm still moving. Everything just feels in slow motion, I keep telling myself, keep moving forward, just keep moving forward, keep going. That will pass. Only it wasn't passing. And I'm freaking out, I decided I'm going to go pretend to turn up the volume. So I can turn from the audience and go. Because you don't know what's going on, you know, you need to go take a breath. So you come up with these little tricks, I'll just go pretend I'm turning up the volume, they won't know that I'm about to pass out. I go over to the volume button. And I noticed the beats per minute on the speed of the music was turned all the way down. That's why everything was in slow motion. Not because I was in slow motion, but the technology was in slow motion. So I cranked that thing back up, turn up the volume. And all of a sudden my energy went up. And

Unknown:

I got hired.

Ellie Parvin:

And I and I overcame that challenge. And 1000s of classes teaching later, being on camera, for fitness videos for the company that actually teaches the format for educational fitness videos. I overcame that fear, I still get nervous. But I have all the tools now to go out and do it. Well what this did was it took me from being behind the scenes to being right out there in full frontal position, using my voice, strengthening my voice. And I learned that, oh, I want to go and get my master's in communications and learn more about this thing that I love. The way people communicate, and helping people improve their communication skills and techniques. And I went to college, I did my masters. That was all fun and dandy. And I realized, I really love teaching. And now because I overcame that fear. I overcame that fear of speaking. And using my voice. I got to become a college professor, I found something that I didn't know that I would love doing. And the gift and that is when we overcome those fears and those things that are holding us back, it actually gets us so much closer to our authentic self, and what we are meant and born to do.

Christine Li:

I love this story. Thank you so much for sharing it. And I think every listener, and person who's watching this video, can hear the beauty of your voice, the beauty of your confidence in your voice, because you pause because you emphasize because you take care to communicate your feelings at each point of the story, and you're fantastic storyteller as a result, and I'm so glad you didn't black out that second talk that you were at risk of thinking you're blacking out. I also love that your success story, that story of actually doing this was not that you had come to your fear. It's but that you really went through even though you're really peak fear that you knew you weren't 100% Well, but that you knew that you had to keep going. And so thank you for sharing that kind of a success story, which I think is so valuable to all of us. And I think all of us can relate that there are moments where we think every single thing about us that we're worried about is going to be exposed or that will be on the line somehow. And so I'm so grateful that you made that break and that you are able to find the work that you love.

Ellie Parvin:

Thank you, Christine. It's It is one of those moments and then when you do something like that, and you should share it with others, you share that story, a person shares their story, then they have that permission to do the same. You can inspire them to attack the thing that they were afraid of doing. You know, I'm a communications coach. And one of the things I ask people often is that such when they share who they are, and their story and their journey, and I asked them, I said, are you? Are you sharing this on social media? There's so many people that would benefit from these trials and tribulations you've experienced and how you overcame them the tools, you use what you learn, but there's people out there that, that need to hear that even if it's one person, you may be the person to reach that person that other people can't reach. And people say, Oh, no, I'm too nervous. Now, I don't I don't know if everybody judges me. And, and oh, that's not something I want to do. But it really isn't that they're afraid to go on camera, there's always the underlying fears. And the truth of the matter is, I want to pinpoint something else in that story I shared about me teaching the first time, when I just froze in front of the class in front of the audience. It wasn't because of me, it wasn't because I wasn't capable. It wasn't because I wasn't ready. Well, maybe it was because I wasn't ready. I didn't practice, I had never practiced speaking the routine, with a microphone in front of a class I had only ever worked out on the floor, looking at myself in a mirror or the instructor. And it's two completely different views. And that really, that they're in that is the main thing, of what I try to enlighten people on in my course, or when I'm working with them and teaching them is that it's not about, you're not ready to communicate, or you're afraid to communicate on camera or even on a podcast. But it's that you haven't practiced it enough. You haven't prepared, you haven't planned, there's that famous quote, that goes something like, Don't let the first time you say something, be the first time you say something.

Christine Li:

I've never heard that quote. And that's perfect. It's so brilliant. And I think that's true, being a newbie podcaster myself, that there's so much I've learned in just this one month, that I have already made progress in my confidence. And in my awareness of how the interviews are going to go just because I did the first two, despite feeling like I might blackout or that I might make a really embarrassing error somehow. And there were some that were made. But I'm so grateful that I moved past the early fears and that this now has become a joy of practicing that each new person that I bring on to this show is just another being I get to practice communicating with and I get to share the time with so it is valuable. And I think I like you, Ellie really endeavored to encourage people to move past that place where the fear is heavier than the possibility that the fear wins out over the chance of feeling better and feeling bigger and feeling more known. Because we're really missing out when we stick with the fear.

Ellie Parvin:

So true. And I think that fear, just like you said that fear, in a sense will keep us where we are, which may also be fine. There's plenty of people that are fine with where they are. But the truth of the matter is, how do you know unless you go? How do you know unless you try. And if you try and it doesn't work out? Try again. This is what relationships are. I've been learning so much about relationships, as you know, we've had COVID and you hear all these stories about how this the tension and the relationships and how its ways one way in sways another. And one of the things that I think is so important is just that when you're trying to communicate and share information, if It doesn't work the first time you try it again, in a different way, in a different tone at a different time of the day, in a different setting, there's always something that you can discover that will make it work between the two. And I think this is the same thing with anything we want to do with overcoming our fears. If it doesn't work the first time, you try a different way. You try again, you tweak it, but you don't know until you try the first time.

Christine Li:

Absolutely. I am thinking that as a communication coach, you're seeing so many different types of fears, and insecurities. Much like the ones you were describing as a newbie fitness instructor. And I'm wondering if this COVID period has kind of deepened your practice, because people are stressed, people are having to communicate online, in very meaningful ways and professionally, and they're possibly afraid of messing up because they have to communicate in this format that is relatively unfamiliar to them, and somewhat artificial. So could you talk to us about how you coach people along when the conditions are not ideal.

Ellie Parvin:

What's so interesting here is I feel that virtual platforms have been around for some time now. But many companies that haven't, they haven't utilized them. because change is difficult, and can be financially costly, and that there's all kinds of reasons that companies are not doing and, and really, truly, truly, at the end of the day, there is nothing more powerful than physical human connection. But in a world where we may not be safe, or a company is growing, and somebody might need to move, and you want to keep that wonderful employee, whether you are an entrepreneur or not learning some of those elements of virtual communication will benefit you in more ways than one, it can help you become that confident communicator, there are people that have been using virtual communication for a long time. Let's say for example, you're in a meeting with people you always pinpoint, you can always pinpoint that person that is strong and confident comes prepared with a plan. And they know exactly what points they're going to talk on. They're clear, and they're concise, and they're done. Everybody knows what action steps they need to take after, after the meeting is over. Then you have those employees that are used to kind of just sitting there, they want to move up in their company, but they don't know how to speak and voice, their opinions and ideas. So this is not just for entrepreneurs, this is also for people who are working within organizations or even working for a small entrepreneurial group. The best way to get comfortable is to speak more and be mindful of how you speak. And I have had many people reach out to me about what are some best ways to do this? And can you watch this video because I feel like I'm not getting the response from people on zoom that I want and, and obviously did college classes and there's a virtual communication situation happening. And I do see many students, and they're not just students, young students, we're talking about adult students that work for corporations, they don't know the basic how to for even where that camera lens should be. So you're right, I am getting a lot of this. You did you know, for example, one tiny little thing with a camera lens. Is that how we're looking here right now. This is good. So if you see how my screen is, for those of you that are listening to the podcast, where we are also using a new video option, and I'm sitting here in the center of my screen, I have about a quarter of open space over my head and some open space by my side so you can see my sort of the upper part of my torso up and my body language with my hands. This is the ideal position for your speaking meeting. Presentation videos. It's ideal may not be okay all the time, but it is ideal. And ideally, the most important thing is that you want to be looking into not the people People in the gallery, or not all of the people in your meeting you want to be looking at, and I'm going to point at the lens of whatever is focusing on you. So if you're using a laptop, you're looking into the camera lens on your laptop, if you're using a detached type of camera lens, which is a great investment, I'm working on that myself, then you'll look into wherever that view is pointing at you. And what this does, is it duplicate you making eye contact with the people who are watching you. And that's very powerful. Because Have you ever proceed had a conversation with someone who is not looking at you?

Christine Li:

I think oftentimes on zoom, yes,

Ellie Parvin:

they're looking off to the side down here, or up this way, the one you see the most common is up the nose angle. That's the worst angle you It makes you look older, which I definitely don't want to look older. It also forces you sometimes if that lens is down there, if you're looking down when you're speaking, you will start if you I don't know if you can hear this from my throat is starting to strain, you will actually cut off the vocals, and you'll have to force your vocals to speak. and powerful speakers don't need to force the vocals to speak. Because they're nice and neutral sitting right here, if you're looking up and talking, which I also see sometimes, if you're looking up to a lens and talking, the view is okay. But the problem is, again, you're now tightening the vocal cord and it gets much higher, and you have to work really hard, you're actually straining your vocals. So especially for women, we have a smaller throat muscle here than men. So we have to be even more conscious of speaking, not just in a neutral zone, we want to have that powerful voice. And to do that we have to be positioned correctly.

Christine Li:

Yes. So thank you for that. I think that is important. And just so that we're feeling confidently when we're speaking, are there other tips that you share for improving the power of our voice? And so there are many confident communicators who I think you could help bring to another level? What are the tips that you share with those people?

Ellie Parvin:

Short if you are already a confident communicator, the biggest tip, I'm going to share the tips with you. But this is the biggest tip I can share. And this is something I do for myself all the time I don't like doing it is record and rewatch. And listen. Take notes. Watch your body language. Listen to your words. Listen to your tone. Listen to your volume. Listen to Phil filler words you may be overusing it's okay to have some I want to dispel this getting rid of all your filler words. It's okay to have some but it's those repetitive filler words we lean on. And then there's the non filler overused words, like so. My favorite and and, and so those are cool, they're my nemesis is but I watch my videos back to catch myself doing it. So I become more aware, I put a sticky note up on my laptop with the word and a circle and a line through it. So I will know to avoid these words. It's that reminder, you have to put a line through it. Otherwise, you're going to end up saying it because that's how the brain works. But it's so powerful. You don't know what you're doing if you don't know what you're doing unless you either hire me or some other expert to tell you or to you evaluate yourself. And in doing that, now you have the power to implement some of the techniques that I will share with you in just a moment. But I think Christine has a question for me.

Christine Li:

I think I have two observations. At least one. One is that you've just given me already a masterclass in speaking because I think the pauses that you comfortably make and comfortably allow us to follow along with really for me is a sign of your confidence and the fact that you know what you're doing Because you can slow the pace down, I am someone who can occasionally run off at the mouth with nervousness. And I think I've had to learn it's really okay to slow myself down and that people actually do have the time to listen, I think that's a belief that I have that if I take too much time, it's going to be really irritating for everyone. But actually, if I take the time and really sink into what I'm trying to communicate, everybody does have the time to listen that it is okay for me to feel confidently about that. Then I think I've already forgotten what the second thing is. But I think that's okay. I think you're also teaching us that we can teach ourselves by observing what happens that sometimes our mind is going to go blank, sometimes we won't be able to finish a sentence, but that it's continuing to go forward, continuing to believe in what you have to say, continuing to believe that you're safe, that these are all also many pieces of being more confident in your communication. And of course, now I've remember where I wanted to say that coaching can be invaluable. Because sometimes you just can't even if you're watching a video back of yourself, you might not be able to understand why this phenomenon is happening. Why do I say you know, all the time, why do I stop? Why do I drop off at the end of a sentence, any of these things a coach can help you with. So I want to encourage our listeners to if they feel like there's something that is getting stuck when they're communicating or if people aren't listening to them or aren't getting their message to go seek out someone like Ellie, or another communication coach.

Ellie Parvin:

Thank you, Christine. And I love that you actually brought that up, the filler word situation oftentimes happens because it's not something we've prepared or planned ahead of time. There's a couple of reasons there's that one. And then the second part to that is that I love that you share this also hits on what you shared first about the slowing down and pausing. The second part to that is that helps to reduce the filler words is that slowing down and pausing. It's what I call creating space, everybody, unless you're a maximalist, then maybe you don't like space, you'd like the clutter, and you'd like everything and bunched in. But if you're a fan, I'm a fan of whitespace, I enjoy whitespace, it helps me feel calm, it helps me feel at ease. And therefore that leaks into the speaking element, that when I know that I'm sharing information that's valuable, or something that's in my heart, that I feel that I want that to become uncomfortable and easily absorbable. And all you're doing when you pause and slow down and take out those filler words is you're creating this beautiful white space for what you're sharing. And that's powerful. And one of the things we do as confident communicators leaders speak like this as well, anytime you watch Steve Jobs present, if you go back and watch old videos, presidents, I mean good presidents, like presidents that are known for their speaking we have plenty of presidents throughout history that we're not known for their waxing poetic speeches. But they have cadence, they have slow moments, fast moments. They have tonality, higher tones, deeper, lower tones, they vary it up. And these are things that help to kind of keep somebody along. Imagine if you listen to music. When a person speaks, it's like a song. It's like music. If you're listening to music, you're not going to listen to a song that is just one beat one tone all the way through and no melody or highs and lows and we all like that moment in the song where it slows down and then speeds up and it our voice is making a song when we're speaking more singing our emotions, just not with drums and a guitar behind us.

Christine Li:

Yes, and I guess the confidence level is part of that process where we can have our voice be melodious and we can have the very ability and we can pause. Because again, we're not starting with the fear. We're not thinking, Oh, I'm gonna mess up. Oh, this is gonna be a catastrophe. Oh, I might black out if I start on that stage, so.

Ellie Parvin:

And the more you do it, what happens? The first podcast interview you did, Christine, how did you feel?

Christine Li:

I felt a mix of things because it was actually with Tracy Goodwin, my voice coach. So I felt a mix of self consciousness a mix of what am I doing here? How did I get here. And also, partly I was feeling 100% confident in Tracy, I knew that my guest was fully in control of what she had to say, what she had to share and her own voice. So in some ways, that was a happy accident that she ended up being my first interview guests, because I could focus in on myself and take care of myself, vocally, as she had just taught me to. So it was a good experiment. And I think every first podcast interview has got to be a mix of fear and confidence. But may everyone who's listening, if you're starting into something that is going to be a little bit scary. May you continue. May You not give up on yourself. And may you do it even though you're afraid. Oh, thank you for asking that.

Ellie Parvin:

Yeah. 100%. And now you're probably 100% confident in yourself? Yes.

Christine Li:

Oh, absolutely. She said sorry, saying

Ellie Parvin:

you're you're pulling up the platform, you're like, I got this, I got my mic set up, I'm good to go. And the other side, too, when we use filler words. Again, overuse of filler words, I really want to emphasize that an overuse of filler words, we don't sound confident. It doesn't sound like we know what we're talking about. I've known the smartest of people I've seen Best Actor, Best Actor go up and select and take their award and give their speech and every other word is a filler word. You see the difference? They won Best Actor, not because they're good speakers on the slide. This person obviously didn't have a speech prepared, you could always tell when a person has a speech prepared, or is an excellent speaker and has information to pull from or had an idea of points that we're going to hit. And this is why I like watching award shows everyone is because I want to see what the actors and actresses will say when they get up there. I actually study their communication, to see if they have those skills. And you can see that this is the reason they're good actors is because they prepare and plan and practice so much to deliver on that character and that role and that script. But they're not doing that at an award ceremony. And you can tell they're just like us, we are just like everyone we need to prep plan, and practice. And keep doing the thing where we're a little rough around the edges. And we'll get there and create these new habits. We were talking about sugar earlier, before we started we're having a little conversation. And now I have this habit of at night I like to have gummy bears and tea is just a weird, random, quirky habit. And I'm good with the gummy bears, I count them out and I put them in like a cup. So I don't eat the whole bag in one sitting. But it's kind of a habit. And when I don't have it, I feel kind of sad, but I don't die. And the thing is, with the filler words, it's a little bit of that not creating the habit of being comfortable with creating the whitespace and pausing and slowing down. Nobody expects you to speak a million miles a minute, if I never pause. How was Christine gonna pop in and ask me questions? How was anybody going to pop in and share with you something that resonated with them and what you said it's good to pause. You want feedback from other people. You just have to remind yourself that that's okay. And get into the practice of that. That's really so simple. All it is and then the body language aspect of it which is really powerful. And the way we speak when we speak with depth and power when we speak from our lower diaphragm. I talked about tone and speaking in deeper and higher levels. Breathing is very important that lower diaphragm. It's not here it's not the ribcage where people think if they take a deep breath Fill up your lungs, no, you want to breathe all the way down into your belly, I wonder if you put your hand on your belly right now. And you talk or you say something or hum with your hand on your belly, you will feel and actually push on your belly, you will feel more power naturally coming out through your vocals in your voice, I just felt it on myself right now. And these are all things you can train yourself to do. And next time you're on that virtual call, you will come across when you want to share something, an idea, a concept, something with your audience or something with if you work for a company with your team, you do that, and people will start to notice you and consider you to move up in their company. Or maybe we should put so and so on this project, or maybe so and so should lead this project. They're starting to sound more like a leader. These are all the reasons we want to be confident not just as entrepreneurs, but just moving through our lives. You know, the body language, even if you you stand here, standing, if you're sort of not confident, you want to make sure that you're not hunching forward, rolling the shoulders forward, that not only constricts your breath and your breathing, and, unfortunately affects your vocals. If you're sitting on your sit bones on your cell phones nice and tall and a good chair, and you're grounded, you have to be grounded when you talk, you don't want to have your legs up or feet up that again, will cut off the lower abdomen when the air comes in. You want the feet decent level grounded on the floor. So that power can come up through the body, which again, not only does it affect at the sound of confidence in your voice, when you have positive body language that triggers something in the brain that brains telling itself Oh, we're confident today. Yeah, we're confident you know how well you you walk when you're, you're feeling pride and proud about something, you can trick your brain into feeling that way and that confidence will come out, and you'll start to believe it and develop that new habit.

Christine Li:

And these new habits are beautiful. So thank you so much for bringing your confidence and your awareness and your love to me my show and our listeners today. And I think dear listener that you can see quite clearly how much there is to learn in terms of how we can improve as confident communicators. So Ellie, please let us know how we can stay in touch with you how we can learn from you even more.

Ellie Parvin:

Well, the easiest way to stay in touch with me is I'm always on Instagram. So if you go to at Ellie Parvin on Instagram, I'm there. My website is ellieparven.com and I'm Ellie Parvin on Facebook, I am le parvat everywhere. You can find me there. But to start with Instagram, if you really want to follow me there. It's a great place. I'm there daily sharing communication tips, some personal background stuff, personal life stuff. And it's just a great way to connect with me and ask me questions that you might have. And please don't forget, don't forget that your message is anchored by your voice. And I encourage you to practice using it.

Christine Li:

Absolutely. I'm 100% in agreement with Ellie, and I can't wait for our listeners to experiment more and to try more things and to get more confidence. So thank you again for showing up today in such a beautiful and meaningful way. Thank you so much, Ellie.

Ellie Parvin:

Thank you, Christine. It was an honor.

Christine Li:

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Make Time for Success Podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Procrastination Coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. Talk to you soon.

Ellie Parvin

Communication Expert & Educator

Ellie is a Communication Expert & Educator - University Professor, Host of Communication TV, Speaker, Author, Coach and course creator (Speak Live Online & Reduce Your Filler Words courses).

She helps growing entrepreneurs improve their communication skills using LIVE video so they can connect, persuade and move their audience to action, grow their business and improve their relationships!

Ellie’s passion for communication led her to launch EllieParvin.com, helping entrepreneurs practice and cultivate communication skills and techniques to improve their lives for optimum success and get what they want.

In addition, she is a member of the National Financial Education Council’s (NFEC) Personal Finance Speakers Association, Forbes School of Business Women Leaders, and Educator for Forbes School of Business and Technology platform at University of Arizona Global Campus, and writer/contributor to various business leadership, educational and growth platforms.